Inquiring minds want to know..

I have so many questions..most of which I analyze on my 1.5 hour rickshaw ride to work everyday. And as Prasad can tell you, analysis (and the consequent "over" analysis) is something I excel in. And as he can also tell you, I'm about as deep as Paris' autobiography...which is why my questions aren't as much "Why did G-d put man on this Earth?" and more of the "I wonder why there's a left turn here" variety. To wit, these are the philosophical questions I'm dealing with currently. My attempts at being a Baruch Spinoza; I would like to believe.

1. Why is there a pube "on" the urinal at work everyday?

Not "in". But "on". This means someone has to physically pull it off and then carefully balance it on top of the urinal everyday. Who is this person? Need to investigate..but the last time I took my Sherlock Holmes cap and pipe into the loo and tried my "Elementary Watson" bit, I almost lost my job.

2. Does it ever rain in Bangalore?

I finally bought the cool "Mallu grandfather" type umbrella I've always wanted - and avoided the GIANT rainbow flag ones every traffic signal Manjunath insists I buy. (OK The one i bought is one of those umbrellas Bulgarian spies called Vassili Davidov always keep trying to jab James Bond with) I have my Espirit jacket (or "jaquette" as I like to call it) and where is the rain? The city is as dry as my sex life.

3. How does one address a rickshawwallah in Bangalore?

In Bombay, it's "Boss" or "Bhaiyya". What is it here? I tried "Anna" but somehow it seems more suited to the college canteen owner type. Was recommended "Guru"... but that sounds too filmi. Dropped a couple of "Saaaaaar", but that don't feel right especially as that's what they call me!

4. Are roadside shacks in posh Defence Colony, Indiranagar legal?

I need to construct one. Seeing as I will shortly be homeless and have yet to find the apartment I want in this city. A good budget doesn't seem to go anywhere if you have a rather definite idea of where and how you want to live. I am currently seeing apartment #33 and #34 tommorow. Yep. That means 32 places have been rejected so far. And sometimes I wonder why I'm single...

5. Are eggs meat?

In a fit of religousity, I ended up at the temple last weekend promising not to eat meat if G-d saw it within His power to get me some meat to eat. Of the kind that dare not speaks it's name..if you know what I mean (and I think you do). And now I'm craving protein. Dal and rice are fun about the first 100 times. Then I need my butter chicken and fish curry. Still, scared as I am of offending the Big Guy up there, I'm looking for loopholes in my agreement with Him. Perhaps an omlette and I'm fine if he doesn't have a PhD?