Wanted!

40 days to the big day and I'm still dateless. And no where close to even getting dateful.

Got the venue - no prizes for guessing where I want it, the list - friends, family and 'family", the music to be passed on to DJ who doesn't really care a damn so long as he has his drink, the clothes - those were picked out a year ago..I just need to fit into them now! I seem to have assumed I'd still be my slender-waisted self (wasp-waisted?) .. instead shapewise I'm about as close to Konkani priest as possible. Thank you paneer makhni and beer. Without you where would I be?

All that remains is the arm candy. The hottest accessory this side of the Mahim creek.

Since I've somehow managed to spend a whole year totally unaware of how it is one goes about in Bombay acquiring said accessory - I'm going to try something both traditional and modern. Traditional in terms of the Swayamvara system of finding yourself some hot boys (Though I suspect they just asked their daddies to invite around some princes) and modern in terms of the Survivor system of weeding out the weakest links. I know I know...I can just log onto one of the myriad "dating" sites online and get started on answering all the "Hallo dear" emails that will flood my inbox daily. But somehow I think this is more fun..Atleast I won't have to put down cock size, position and place availablity here!

If you've read my blog before, you probably have some idea of what I'm looking for in a relationship. Well, this is not one of "those" kinds of "I want someone".

All I want is a date for my 30th birthday in little over 1.5 months from now. You should be smart, intelligent, funny, cosmopolitan, erudite, witty, well-read, a good dancer, cute and tall. I don't care if you're white, black, brown or green. You need to be in Bombay or be able to fly to Bombay for said date purpose in the first week of February. You need to be affectionate, cheerful, masculine and have a biggish nose. Dress well and casually in a pair of jeans that shows off your ass to it's best advantage. You should be able to put up with my friends - every one of them - for that night. They will be flirty, bitchy, sexy, fondly, crazy, prancy and insecure. Like Snow White, I have my 7 men too.

Interested candidates may email me at vikneedsadate@yahoo.co.in with a photograph, a witty one-liner and a letter from your mom telling me why you would be best suited to accompany me on said date. I promise to treat all emails in total confidence and reply to every one of them. In case of a tie (Yes, I'm optimistic there will be more than one person replying), I will ask you both a few questions and depending on how you answer them, I'll make my choice.

Then again, I might pick you both. I do have two arms you know...and there's plenty of Vik to go around.

Yes folks. It has come down to this.