I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Wanted!

40 days to the big day and I'm still dateless. And no where close to even getting dateful.

Got the venue - no prizes for guessing where I want it, the list - friends, family and 'family", the music to be passed on to DJ who doesn't really care a damn so long as he has his drink, the clothes - those were picked out a year ago..I just need to fit into them now! I seem to have assumed I'd still be my slender-waisted self (wasp-waisted?) .. instead shapewise I'm about as close to Konkani priest as possible. Thank you paneer makhni and beer. Without you where would I be?

All that remains is the arm candy. The hottest accessory this side of the Mahim creek.

Since I've somehow managed to spend a whole year totally unaware of how it is one goes about in Bombay acquiring said accessory - I'm going to try something both traditional and modern. Traditional in terms of the Swayamvara system of finding yourself some hot boys (Though I suspect they just asked their daddies to invite around some princes) and modern in terms of the Survivor system of weeding out the weakest links. I know I know...I can just log onto one of the myriad "dating" sites online and get started on answering all the "Hallo dear" emails that will flood my inbox daily. But somehow I think this is more fun..Atleast I won't have to put down cock size, position and place availablity here!

If you've read my blog before, you probably have some idea of what I'm looking for in a relationship. Well, this is not one of "those" kinds of "I want someone".

All I want is a date for my 30th birthday in little over 1.5 months from now. You should be smart, intelligent, funny, cosmopolitan, erudite, witty, well-read, a good dancer, cute and tall. I don't care if you're white, black, brown or green. You need to be in Bombay or be able to fly to Bombay for said date purpose in the first week of February. You need to be affectionate, cheerful, masculine and have a biggish nose. Dress well and casually in a pair of jeans that shows off your ass to it's best advantage. You should be able to put up with my friends - every one of them - for that night. They will be flirty, bitchy, sexy, fondly, crazy, prancy and insecure. Like Snow White, I have my 7 men too.

Interested candidates may email me at vikneedsadate@yahoo.co.in with a photograph, a witty one-liner and a letter from your mom telling me why you would be best suited to accompany me on said date. I promise to treat all emails in total confidence and reply to every one of them. In case of a tie (Yes, I'm optimistic there will be more than one person replying), I will ask you both a few questions and depending on how you answer them, I'll make my choice.

Then again, I might pick you both. I do have two arms you know...and there's plenty of Vik to go around.

Yes folks. It has come down to this.

16 Comments:

  • At 8:31 PM, Blogger f-cubed said…

    By the way there is a third option available for Bandra Bois. It is the "Walking on the Carter Promenade System".

    These old eyes have spied many a delicious morsel out there.

    So put away the History Books and get your butt off the CCD plastic chairs and take a walk on the wild side.

    Viraf

     
  • At 12:02 AM, Blogger roswitha said…

    You need to be affectionate, cheerful, masculine and have a biggish nose.

    Ah, your well-documented affection for Jewish boys. I hope there are a couple of those sabra hotties you once hoped for taking note.

     
  • At 6:01 PM, Blogger Anant said…

    you're hilarious.

     
  • At 2:40 AM, Blogger pepe M. said…

    lol!
    very very hilarious!
    you really serious! lol

    pepe M

     
  • At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey vickser!

    I logged on expecting your take on some christmas carol....though i now sincerely hope you find your red(read big) nosed reindeer to ride!!6 weeks is a looong time and i am sure ur inbox will be full sooon....so tc! have a great Christmas weekend, amazing new yr...and of course, keep the posts going!!!

    Cheers!
    Rishi :)

     
  • At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    well... i am big in the nose department atleast!
    h

     
  • At 10:23 PM, Blogger Sleepy said…

    I think I saw one of those at Target in clearance, lol

     
  • At 10:53 PM, Blogger hungry eyes said…

    Too much I say..Mr. sexy back...Is the inbox flooded just yet?
    Do u need someone to tabulate the outstation entries?:)
    I finally have a mission in mah life!!

     
  • At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    *snigger*

    You're funnnnnay

     
  • At 12:21 PM, Blogger hungry eyes said…

    heylo. technical doubt...
    does the letter really hafta be from the mom..is that juz a metaphor for lettin ya know bout how wonderful the candidature of the person is!!:)

     
  • At 2:14 PM, Anonymous IGC said…

    A gentile friend from undergrad once asked my mother how she could meet a nice Jewish boy. My mother suggested she should get a list of the Jewish funeral homes and the times they held services and just hang around outside when the coffin came in and out. So, hotvikster, the question is: are there any good Jewish funeral homes in the bomb?
    Wishing you a very happy and Hebrew-filled New Years.
    XOXO,
    IGC

     
  • At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Kindred spirit said…

    (offended and hurt)....I thought i had a chance...but you had to mention 'intelligent' as a requisite...grr...lol...Happy new year btw.. and yes..you WOULD need an assistant to help you out wid your inbox!!

     
  • At 1:31 AM, Blogger Fanaah said…

    Lol hilarious!All the best with pick your flick.com!

     
  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger Pri said…

    You have been blogrolled! now maybe u should start blogging again.
    Oh and any luck yet?

     
  • At 4:32 AM, Blogger iz said…

    LOVE your blog!!!! So did you find anyway oh fellow copywriter?

     
  • At 5:15 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    F-cubed: At my age, looking is all I can do..it's hard on the ol' knees to chase them down the promenade. (I've shifted my people-watching operations to the Barista at National College anyway..lots of hot Mossies there)

    Roswitha: May G-d bless you and yours, ptuh ptuh! From your mouth to G-d ears..

    Anant: Hilarious..sure..but you're the one having all the fun in Tokyo!

    Pepe M.: Yep I'm serious as heck!

    Rishi: Less than 30 days to go and not one email in my inbox. Merry Christmas to you too..(It's Orthodox Christmas today so I'm not quite wrong)

    h: I'm willing to let the intelligence, humor and sex appeal go by if the nose is big.

    Sleepy: I only shop at the Dollar Store sadly! Reflects in my last few dates!

    Hungry Eyes: No emails yet. Why can't YOU just email?

    Anony1: Thank you muchly.

    Hungry eyes: Will setlle for notarized letter on stamp paper from fag hag of choice.

    IGC: You don't need no audition...you're in already (no pun intended)

    Kindred Spirit: I suppose I need to advertise for an assistant as well? With my luck, there would be a vacancy there too!

    Fanaah: OMG! Totally listening to a song from the movie Fanaah!

    Pri: No luck at all (Waah!) I'm drowning my sorrows in coffee and wine.

    Iz: Still looking copywriter sahiba..still looking.

     

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