I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Peeves!

So this isn't about the Poltergeist in the Harry Potter books (Side note: My least favourite character as well..probably cause in India he'd be a fat Sindhi kid called Bunty).

This is about all the festering, smouldering (and you thought it was the "sexy look"!) and bubbling angry-ish feeling I get when the following happen. My pet peeves as it were. Except they're rare enough that I don't necessarily have to confront them everyday..but often enough that sometimes I just want to hold my head and scream out "WHY! In the name of all that's holy..WHY!"

1. People who type "Chao" instead of "Ciao": People people people! One's a Chinese great-grandmother with bound feet and the other is one of those multi-purpose words that abound in the Romance languages (in this case in Italian). Use them correctly!

2. People who wear wool knit caps: Unless Anu Malik is your Indian Idol, I don't see why someone living in 35C temperatures NEEDS to wear a wool knit cap in the middle of the afternoon. Or at a club. Or at the gym (WTF?) Which "char anne ki gentry" type guy started this whole fad anyway?

3. Club stamps that won't wear off: I'm walking around a poster child for Bombay's clubs. Left wrist? Hawaiian Shack and Polyesthers. Right wrist? Razz Rhino and Purple Haze. My mom thinks I have bad bruises on my wrist and worries I have an abusive boyfriend. HAH! Can we please ask Bombay's club mafia (you know they exist) to come up with some better quality ink for their stamps? Something that will wash off as opposed to me having to wait till 3 epidermal layers are lost before I can go out again?

4. Friends who date my exs: AARGH. I hate you. And you know who you are.

5. Extra spicy panipuri water: If I wanted to recreate the Heimlich maneuver discovery in the midst of Pali Naka, I think I know where to go. Stupid Punjab Sweet House decides ever-so-often that I need some fire in my belly. So instead of my theeka kam, I get the full corrosive acid treatment for my innner throat. Of course, this means that the kitty party aunties waiting outside 5-Spice get to see me gasp, cough and turn a bright shade of blue .. all the while fanning themselves with their LV purses. Bitches.

6. Rickshaw wallas with bad music: Hey Bhagwaan. That is like the absolute worse. A rick ride from Lokhandwalla to Bandra with Himesh Reshamiyya's brand of copy cat Arabic music is more than I can bear.

7. Bombay weather in April/May: I am melting. Not in a good way. And when you're squeezed into a club with 500 other sweaty, shirtless men and the AC off (like I was this weekend at the GB Party), it's simply a recipe for disaster. Let's just say that all those believers in gay pheromones, I have only one word for you. DEODORANT!

8. Flying cockroaches: I had one settle on my face a few nights ago while I was asleep. Woke up feeling weirdly ticklish and knew it was no dream (Well, the 3 guys working on me in my dream sure as hell weren't tickling me..). I think the resulting scream woke up most of the street. And then I had to try to squish it (yes, I know..bad karma) with my Osho chappals..the only thing that had the required surface area (I think I tried to squish it with a DVD as well..hey! It was 3 am!). Next shopping buy? New chappals.

9. "Art collectors": Everyone of the prints and paintings I've wanted to buy in the last 3 months seems to have slipped my grasp cause some Gujju philistine with more money than interest has snapped it all up. Grr. I'm reduced to hanging Kaalnirnay calendars on my walls to hide the gaping spaces....

10. The entire jeans-making industry: Why can't someone with long legs, broad hips and a butt that's "getting there" find a nice pair of jeans? I've been searching for that elusive pair for 2 months now... I think the good folks down at globus now dread my twice-weekly visits. "Sir, why don't you try a wider waist jeans? Then you can get length as well". Quelle horreur! They want me to buy size 32?? That's it, time to renew the 100 crunches before breakfast routine again. Oh wait, just who am I kidding....Pass me those 32's..

Current Music:
Futarino Osaka - Miyako Harumi and Miyazaki Masa

This is in the "enka" style of Japanese music. From the post-WW2 period till the late 60's. Reminds me very much of the old Geeta Dutt style songs. Here's a good link to download some enka. http://home.megapass.net/~park4156/Enka.html

16 Comments:

  • At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    HAHAHA Hilarious! Chao Grandma! This totally made my day!

     
  • At 2:58 PM, Blogger Ameet said…

    Just heard 'enka' music. Very interesting. I'm playing it at my next party.

     
  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger mehmal said…

    This post was too funny! :D

     
  • At 8:15 PM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    You went to the GB party????

     
  • At 10:43 PM, Blogger Hob Gadling said…

    I bought this T-shirt at a store closing sale in Baltimore once. It went, "Hi, my name is Heimlich. Wanna see my maneuver?" (I also bought another T-shirt about eating beavers and saving trees but that's another story...)

    Chao Vicky!

     
  • At 2:35 AM, Blogger AllesAufDemWeg said…

    Did you know that heimlich is a german word and means surruptitous?

    Also I can't imagine going to a pub in bombay packed with 500 people all sweaty and stinky!! bbüüh! I was having my lunch while I was reading that part of your blog!

     
  • At 4:28 AM, Blogger Wild Reeds said…

    Dear Vikster,
    Thanks for the Enka link.
    Chao: I used to subtly type 'ciao' back to such smses or emails, but it didn't seem to be working. Jeans that fit: Neither are there formal shirts that have a good cut for slim people. Most look like bedsheets, or sails flapping in the breeze.

     
  • At 4:53 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Anony: Chao!

    Ameet: Tell me if you want more..I have another 100 or so Enka songs. Did you like Futarino Osaka? (I also love Omaeni Horeta)

    Mehmi: Thank you ji. My first Pakistani comment!

    Vij: Yes I did..though I spent way more time outside trying to breathe again...

    Hob: Pri is just outside Baltimore too..you should call her!

    Alles Klar Herr Komissar: Can I just use your real name? Liar! You wouldhave loved the 500 sweat shirtless men and you know it.

    Wild Reeds: Enka is awesome no? Mando, Fado and now Enka..I'm all set with my weird music choices..
    PS I have the best formal shirt fits from Zod. Try them!

     
  • At 10:14 AM, Blogger Id it is said…

    Wool knit caps - could simply be a matter of having a bad hair day!

     
  • At 7:31 PM, Blogger Hob Gadling said…

    Vik,

    The T-shirt was bought a couple of years ago. I was in Baltimore this New Year's Eve, but it completely slipped my mind that Pri was around. I'll probably call her when I visit the east coast next time.

     
  • At 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Vik, who's hob?

    Pri

     
  • At 9:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    you're cute... =) hello from croatia

     
  • At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Kindred spirit said…

    lol...awesome post...thankfully semi stalkers were not one of your peeves..are they? (anxious concern written ALL over my face)
    your admirer\semi stalker\psychopath
    auf weiderseheeeeeeeeeeen!

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I missed you and now i miss BHANDRA SOOO MUCH.
    duncan.

     
  • At 11:05 PM, Blogger Hob Gadling said…

    Wheeeee! You're on last.fm too!

    Also, in May your blog will have been around for a year. I believe it's time you made that archive list a monthly one.

     
  • At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    thank you very much for the enka link, i was hopelessly searching for osaka shigure all day long! now i can enjoy arumi's unari for good.
    thanks again, ciao!

     

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