Peeves!

So this isn't about the Poltergeist in the Harry Potter books (Side note: My least favourite character as well..probably cause in India he'd be a fat Sindhi kid called Bunty).

This is about all the festering, smouldering (and you thought it was the "sexy look"!) and bubbling angry-ish feeling I get when the following happen. My pet peeves as it were. Except they're rare enough that I don't necessarily have to confront them everyday..but often enough that sometimes I just want to hold my head and scream out "WHY! In the name of all that's holy..WHY!"

1. People who type "Chao" instead of "Ciao": People people people! One's a Chinese great-grandmother with bound feet and the other is one of those multi-purpose words that abound in the Romance languages (in this case in Italian). Use them correctly!

2. People who wear wool knit caps: Unless Anu Malik is your Indian Idol, I don't see why someone living in 35C temperatures NEEDS to wear a wool knit cap in the middle of the afternoon. Or at a club. Or at the gym (WTF?) Which "char anne ki gentry" type guy started this whole fad anyway?

3. Club stamps that won't wear off: I'm walking around a poster child for Bombay's clubs. Left wrist? Hawaiian Shack and Polyesthers. Right wrist? Razz Rhino and Purple Haze. My mom thinks I have bad bruises on my wrist and worries I have an abusive boyfriend. HAH! Can we please ask Bombay's club mafia (you know they exist) to come up with some better quality ink for their stamps? Something that will wash off as opposed to me having to wait till 3 epidermal layers are lost before I can go out again?

4. Friends who date my exs: AARGH. I hate you. And you know who you are.

5. Extra spicy panipuri water: If I wanted to recreate the Heimlich maneuver discovery in the midst of Pali Naka, I think I know where to go. Stupid Punjab Sweet House decides ever-so-often that I need some fire in my belly. So instead of my theeka kam, I get the full corrosive acid treatment for my innner throat. Of course, this means that the kitty party aunties waiting outside 5-Spice get to see me gasp, cough and turn a bright shade of blue .. all the while fanning themselves with their LV purses. Bitches.

6. Rickshaw wallas with bad music: Hey Bhagwaan. That is like the absolute worse. A rick ride from Lokhandwalla to Bandra with Himesh Reshamiyya's brand of copy cat Arabic music is more than I can bear.

7. Bombay weather in April/May: I am melting. Not in a good way. And when you're squeezed into a club with 500 other sweaty, shirtless men and the AC off (like I was this weekend at the GB Party), it's simply a recipe for disaster. Let's just say that all those believers in gay pheromones, I have only one word for you. DEODORANT!

8. Flying cockroaches: I had one settle on my face a few nights ago while I was asleep. Woke up feeling weirdly ticklish and knew it was no dream (Well, the 3 guys working on me in my dream sure as hell weren't tickling me..). I think the resulting scream woke up most of the street. And then I had to try to squish it (yes, I know..bad karma) with my Osho chappals..the only thing that had the required surface area (I think I tried to squish it with a DVD as well..hey! It was 3 am!). Next shopping buy? New chappals.

9. "Art collectors": Everyone of the prints and paintings I've wanted to buy in the last 3 months seems to have slipped my grasp cause some Gujju philistine with more money than interest has snapped it all up. Grr. I'm reduced to hanging Kaalnirnay calendars on my walls to hide the gaping spaces....

10. The entire jeans-making industry: Why can't someone with long legs, broad hips and a butt that's "getting there" find a nice pair of jeans? I've been searching for that elusive pair for 2 months now... I think the good folks down at globus now dread my twice-weekly visits. "Sir, why don't you try a wider waist jeans? Then you can get length as well". Quelle horreur! They want me to buy size 32?? That's it, time to renew the 100 crunches before breakfast routine again. Oh wait, just who am I kidding....Pass me those 32's..

Current Music:
Futarino Osaka - Miyako Harumi and Miyazaki Masa

This is in the "enka" style of Japanese music. From the post-WW2 period till the late 60's. Reminds me very much of the old Geeta Dutt style songs. Here's a good link to download some enka. http://home.megapass.net/~park4156/Enka.html