*Excuse* me..

I was going through a couple of old journals the other day and just browsing my list of dates/loves and friends I've accumulated through the years. I saw this episode on "journal keeping" on Oprah once and thought it's a great idea...till today! Anyway, confronted with the evidence of my life so far, I sat down to read and many laughs, a few tears and general indifference later, I made a list (I'm huge on making lists of random shit) of reasons why I'm not with any of these people today...reasons they gave me to justify not having to see me anymore.

Also realized, I'm the person broken up *with*, never really had the pleasure of breaking up with anyone. I can't wait to fuck up my next relationship by waiting for the right time to say "Babe, it's over".

Anyway, here is the list of "excuses" I've been given over the years by dates/one-night stands/boyfriends/friends for not wanting to be around me anymore...(I am *such* a masochist!!!)

1. You're not Asian enough for me. (*throws map of Asia at him and points out India*)
2. You have an opinion on most things. (i didn't know the market for doormat housewives existed in the US....Apparently I'd forgotten my ji huzzoor, aap ki marzi huzzoor dialogues)
3. You're too thin. (it took you 6 months of almost daily bonking before you realized this eh?)
4. You won't let me sleep with other guys. (NO SHIT Sherlock!)
5. I'm too succesful to be with you. (Umm. Why did you thinkI was with you to begin with?)
6. I'm still sleeping with my ex boyfriend. (That would explain the hickeys on your neck I'm sure I didn't leave!)
7. I'm not ready to date yet. ("But I'll sleep with you and everyone else and throw that in your face"...hmm. Yeah makes perfect sense)
8. Your friend is hotter than you are. (*sound of door slamming on his sorry ass*)
9. We don't think alike. (OMG! Stepford wife alert!)
10. You won't "do *it*". (Hell yeah, I won't! Not with you asking me every 2 minutes, I won't!)
11. I lost your phone number. (See, that would make sense IF I hadn't call you like 3 times over the week and talk to you!)
12. You are too intellectual for me. (That's the last time I date a pediatric oncologist I swear!)

These are true. All true. I'll leave you to figure out which of these guys I had a fling with and which ones I atually cared about..enough to be very very upset. And then throw those assumptions away, cause the reasons the ones I cared about gave me were the el crappo, muy stupidoso ones...Not Asian enough indeed! I still fume at that one!

M.'s reason for breaking up was different. And among ALL the reasons I've heard in my life, his was the most real, the most believable. Which is why he'll always be a part of me. Closure is very hard indeed when you have no anger towards the other person to push it forward.

In other news, I was at the Gay Bombay party yesterday. Had a blast. No one asked me to dance, my date made out and then went home with another guy and my cab overcharged me. But I was pleasantly drunk. And in the end, that's all that matters.

Hic.

Current Music:
Time after Time - Cyndi Lauper

(In my head, I'm replaying the dance at Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion)