I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Friday, August 05, 2005

I'm not one to judge...

..But I'll start now. Well, not quite judge as much as classify.

Species: Gaius Bois Indicus

Habitat: Internet chat rooms, GB parties, call centers, South Bombay Parsi mansions

Plumage: Low rise jeans, Tshirt (size: S), atleast 2 things around the wrist, oversized cellphone

Seasonal sightings: Most often seen on weekends outdoors shopping, have never been seen in bookshops

Mating Ritual: (narrated in David Attenborough voice) One member of the species when identified by another prospective mate will begin the time honoured exchange of words that make the Gaius Bois Indicus mating ritual such a significant part of their lives.
Let us eavesdrop on one such ritual. This one is happening on a Saturday night at an internet cafe. We must remember that hundreds of such rituals occur nightly during mating season which in the case of this species is curiously year-round. Let's listen shall we?

GBI 1: a/s/l?
GBI 2: 24, Andheri E, 5'11, 64kgs, 30 waist, wheatish, clean shaven, gym toned. u?
GBI 1: 26, Khar, 5'9, 60kgs, 29 waist, moustache.
GBI 2: What u lookin for?
GBI 1: fun...u?
GBI 2: sme. t/b?
GBI 1: t
GBI 2: Grt. am vers.
GBI 1: place?
GBI 2: nah u?
GBI 1: nah..

We leave our couple here. Stay tuned after the break as we investigate the peculiar problem of the Gaius Bois Indicus in the Bombay area where mating rituals almost always end in dissapointment as one or the other participant is unable to funrish a nest of the other's liking (or any nest at all!).

Sub Species: (These have been idenfied by actually spending months at a GBI haunt....the Gay Bombay Party)

1. Call Center Boi -Gaius Callo Centrii
Identified by streaked/higlighted hair, fake accents, tank tops and need to propagate species by agreeing to do the sleaziest things possible. Most often found in groups or hanging out with Older Gent Man - Gaius Moneyus Bags Indicus (#3).
Usually respond to names like Kevin, Rahul and Amit.

2. South Bombay Boi - Gaius Malabar Indicus Gujju
Identified by pout/sneer/grimace/upturned nose...or a combination thereof. Also prone to wearing the latest in DG, Prada and Gucci. Language variations include use of "dahling" and
"LastWeekAtTheClub". Found in groups that shop, holiday, eat and mate together. Very incestous.
Usually respond to Raj, Samir and Rohit.

3. Older Gent Man - Gaius Moneyus Bags Indicus
Identified by appearance, potbelly and hairy chest. Subject will bandy around words like "Hello dear" and "You are sweet". Found dancing bhangra to hiphop music in the company of atleast 2-3 Call Center Bois.
Answer to Rajendra or Vishwanath.

4. Middle Class Suburb Boi - Gaius Commuterus Trainii
Known for swings between gay abandonment on the dancefloor and extreme paranoia outside. Will wear jeans that are too tight or too loose along with sneakers. Usually come with list of "things I will not do in bed". Married at 27.
Answer to Rahul, Rohit or Amit.

Part 1 of the discovery of this previously unknown (but still flamboyant) species ends here. Stay tuned for Part 2...including never before scenes from an actual date, love and heartbreak in the Gaius Bois Indicus group and the question that's been troubling GBIs all "Is it OK to sleep with my best friends boyfriend?"

Current Music:
Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani and Eve
Lalalallalalalalalalalalalala

3 Comments:

  • At 1:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You forgot BigSir variety:

    A breed of married men in the their 50's that have orbitals of call centri bois around them. Balle balle!

     
  • At 3:33 AM, Anonymous kestrel said…

    ..awesome post. It bags the cake..
    awaiting part 2
    kestrel

     
  • At 1:07 AM, Anonymous Any Damn Guy said…

    Nice. Any post on Gay lifestyles in Bombay?

     

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