I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Coffeeshop musings

Well, that should read Bombay coffeeshop musings. Diesel Cafe in Somerville can never ever be replicated here in Bombay (I think we're not ready for a cafe run by midget lesbian bikers yet)...

I will rate them based on several random criteria, with 10 Viks being akin to a 15 minute orgasm and 0 Viks akin to a date with Gollum

Let's start with the famous three. Oh and yeah, they're all in Bandra. Cause my view of Bombay starts at Bandra. Just like my view of India starts at Bombay. And my view of the world starts at Australia (Well, got you there! Didn't I?)

#1. Mocha:
Location: 6 Viks (Hill Road good, parking issues bad)
Attitude of serving staff: 5 Viks (Slower than a tortoise with arthritis)
Hotness level of customers: 5 Viks (Call Center kids with lots of money and streaky hair)
People reading books/Working: 1 Vik (Reading? What's that?)
People on dates: 7 Viks (90 Rs. for a brownie? Well, since I have to impress you....)
People on same-sex dates: 3 Viks (Is it because of the uncomfortable chairs?)
People on same-sex dates with guaranteed action later: 3 Viks (Look for the people sucking on their hookah..meaningfully..)
Hookah availability: 9 Viks (And they have Sour Apple!!)
Hooker availability: 5 Viks (It is Bandra after all...)
Coffee taste: 5 Viks (Too much foam on the cappucinos)

#2 Barista:
Location: 5 Viks (Linking Road, way too crowded to just hang out at)
Attitude of serving staff: 8 Viks (I like the sorta self-service thing they have going on)
Hotness level of customers: 4 Viks (National College and MMK Sindhis)
People reading books/Working: 6 Viks (Mostly while waiting for someone)
People on dates: 5 Viks (Too many chances of being spotted by aunty on her way to buy petticoats)
People on same-sex dates: 4 Viks (Too many chances of being spotted by uncle on his way to buy petticoats)
People on same-sex dates with guaranteed action later: 7 Viks (college kids, 'nuff said)
Hookah availability: 0 Viks (Non-smoking joint..AWESOME!)
Hooker availability: 3 Viks (Hard to tell with all the low-rise jeans wearing Sindhans around)
Coffee taste: 8 Viks (Finally, a good cappucino!)

#3 Cafe Coffee Day:
Location: 9 Viks (Carter Road and next to my house...sweet!)
Attitude of serving staff: 6 Viks (Could do with some training..still too slow)
Hotness level of customers: 9 Viks (Smoking hot!)
People reading books/Working: 0 Viks (Me too hot and sexy! Me no can read. Me into modelling)
People on dates: 9 Viks (Are there no single people anywhere?)
People on same-sex dates: 8 Viks (Is everyone gay or are straight men into other straight men now?)
People on same-sex dates with guaranteed action later: 8 Viks (Something about the sea...or trees)
Hookah availability: 0 Viks (Too cool for that!)
Hooker availability: 9 Viks (And pretty blatant ones at that!)
Coffee taste: Who cares!! The people are hot!

Current Music: None
Am singing Beethoven's Ode to Joy instead..
Freude, schöner Götterfunken, Tochter aus Elysium,
wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum!


8 Comments:

  • At 4:26 AM, Anonymous closetalk said…

    aaaa... well, yes, the guys at CCD DO look stunning! ...and gay! ;-) Cafe Cute Dick? or am I being profane now? ;-)

     
  • At 4:27 AM, Blogger livinghigh said…

    the hookahs at juhu mocha are sinfully sexciting... haven't noticed the "meaningful sucking", though! lol.

     
  • At 3:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wonderful piece of writing...
    i wud never step into a mocha though.....just becos someone else did something with some one else there and one of the things is someone else in my life now....
    kestrel

     
  • At 11:22 AM, Anonymous satya said…

    but bikkiji,

    non-reader = hot? (as in 9viks for CCD?) i don't know...

     
  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger zigzackly said…

    Here's an alternative rating system:

    O Vik...
    OO Vik!
    OOO! Vik!
    OOOO! Vik!
    OOOOO! Vik!
    OOO! OOO! VIK!

     
  • At 1:44 AM, Blogger Blackheart said…

    nice coffee analysis
    its me, Cody

     
  • At 1:45 AM, Blogger Blackheart said…

    nice coffee analysis
    its me, Cody

     
  • At 4:31 AM, Blogger Shreyas said…

    lol! the blog gets 10 Viks! I was there at the CCD at Carter Road (#3) once recently. Just spotted one cute boy!

     

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