Happiness is....
...a well fitting pair of jeans.
After years of stuffing my face, walking for hours everyday and some judicious helpings of doing the Dance of the Seven Veils, I've finally suceeded in moving enough blubber "down there" that my Lucky jeans fit me like a glove. A nice snug glove. Alas, in my efforts to improve the derriere, I seem to have neglected the thighs...
"Oh you have a nice arse, but I'm more of a thigh guy"
Crap! Why didn't I meet you when I had a pair to show off? (OK in the interests of not lying, I have NEVER had a pair of thighs worth showing off) I do have sexy feet though. Pity the market for foot fetishists seems to exist mostly in the Bavarian Alps. I need to shave them though. Sounds so gross. Shaving my feet before a party. Thank you Indian Heritage! Why couldn't you have given me what the lucky Mediterranean heritage guys get? Olive skin and nice arses? Or even what the Anglo-Saxon heritage wallahs get? Peaches and Cream skin and awesome accents?
Instead I get hairy feet, skin prone to stress-pimpling (Party tonight? Pop Pop Pop..that's 3 more pimples I need to deal with!) and curvaceous body shape (Memo to vengeful God above: I'm a man!! I ain't gonna be bearing no babies! I don't need this shelf of a pelvic floor thankyouverymuch!)
On the plus side I count among my blessings: Nice eyelashes and Lips-That-Angelina-Jolie-Wishes-Were-Hers. These lips have gotten me a lot more action that my dreary quoting of Jewish Talmud and advocacy of nuclear power on my dates ever did. (Though I had great luck with this Hassid Nuclear Scientist some years ago with that..Oy!)
Till God decides to forgive me and make me look like a Konkani JohnAbraham/UpenPatel/FlavorOfTheMonth, I suppose I'll have to get started on building up those walnut-cracking thighs...Sigh. A man's work is never done.
Current Music:
Akheer by Juggy-D
(This song is bloody marvelous...who knew someone with a name like Juggy-D could sing so sensitively?)
After years of stuffing my face, walking for hours everyday and some judicious helpings of doing the Dance of the Seven Veils, I've finally suceeded in moving enough blubber "down there" that my Lucky jeans fit me like a glove. A nice snug glove. Alas, in my efforts to improve the derriere, I seem to have neglected the thighs...
"Oh you have a nice arse, but I'm more of a thigh guy"
Crap! Why didn't I meet you when I had a pair to show off? (OK in the interests of not lying, I have NEVER had a pair of thighs worth showing off) I do have sexy feet though. Pity the market for foot fetishists seems to exist mostly in the Bavarian Alps. I need to shave them though. Sounds so gross. Shaving my feet before a party. Thank you Indian Heritage! Why couldn't you have given me what the lucky Mediterranean heritage guys get? Olive skin and nice arses? Or even what the Anglo-Saxon heritage wallahs get? Peaches and Cream skin and awesome accents?
Instead I get hairy feet, skin prone to stress-pimpling (Party tonight? Pop Pop Pop..that's 3 more pimples I need to deal with!) and curvaceous body shape (Memo to vengeful God above: I'm a man!! I ain't gonna be bearing no babies! I don't need this shelf of a pelvic floor thankyouverymuch!)
On the plus side I count among my blessings: Nice eyelashes and Lips-That-Angelina-Jolie-Wishes-Were-Hers. These lips have gotten me a lot more action that my dreary quoting of Jewish Talmud and advocacy of nuclear power on my dates ever did. (Though I had great luck with this Hassid Nuclear Scientist some years ago with that..Oy!)
Till God decides to forgive me and make me look like a Konkani JohnAbraham/UpenPatel/FlavorOfTheMonth, I suppose I'll have to get started on building up those walnut-cracking thighs...Sigh. A man's work is never done.
Current Music:
Akheer by Juggy-D
(This song is bloody marvelous...who knew someone with a name like Juggy-D could sing so sensitively?)
posted by Vikster @ 10:13 PM
3 Comments:
At 5:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
well....hmm...agree with everything..even till the akheer part..and just to add..someone called juggy d can have a wonderfully titilating michivieously checking ass under cargo pants..( check him jumpng ard with someone called bheronica of bhangra!)okie am not corny normally...
but cheers to indian lineage..
kestrel
At 10:17 AM,
Toni Farley said…
Need arse and thighs? Call me, gots plently extra, eager to unload. Grass is always greener on the other side, right?
Um, not referring to the other side of the arse, no, no, no ... it's like a proverb .. or something . the other side of, er, you know, whatever .. um, sheesh . hard to explain . *blushes* ah, never mind...
At 1:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
listen --the curvy thing works when your laying down, or on your back. In fact, most body flaws kind of equalize themselves ( esp when the ass is in the air). I'm glad you mentioned the curves though --i actually asked my doctor when i was 12 if there was something wrong with me -- i did not look like the other kids in the locker room.
I can always tell if a guy is desi without even seeing his face by just looking at his girlish figure.
Now i don't think you should feel bad about your skin color though, that's very honest but its also very sad. So many people are your color and darker and are they all supposed to feel like they got the short end of the stick?
since you're in advertising, can you do anything to promote the darker skined models or is it a fight that's as old as time and not worth getting into?
can you imagine a country like the US full of white people all wishing they had mocha on the skin---it would seem so self loathing.
( this is where it get really corny)
there is nothing wrong with you're skin color. its perfect.
Now your ass --if that shit is flat ---oooooooooooh( in the tone of a southern black female) then that's some real shit. May i suggest a BRAZILIAN BUTT LIFT?
Can you steal the backsides form the poor of INDIA? I mean instead of people giving up thier kidney's etc they can give up the fat in their ass. I mean when you're poor the last thing you need is a form apple booty.
I see a whole new business for the assfixiated ( me included ) cause ain't nothing as lame as being in the act and reaching down to grab a handfull of ass and to find just skin and bones. oh the HORROR. Having to squeeze the skin together and just hope to make an ass out of the excess skin is a sad thing, but i digress.
I am so glad that my DRAVIDIAN past ( I love my AFRICAN BROTHERS) has set me up with a PHAT GETO BOOTY
(fat black ass).
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