Dilemnas..moral and otherwise
"Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...I have a moral dilemna"
"What ARE you talking about Pats? You have no morals!"
Ah, if life were just that easy! Sadly, I have both morals (very few, I assure you!) and dilemnas to deal with. I love the cards that elephant-headed fat man in the sky deals me. Just when I'm all set to coast through life on my jet ski (I've always pictured myself "coasting through life" on a jet ski..I don't know why), I get walloped by a giant wave of "What do I do with this?". And then I have to head off to my usual think-about-stuff places (The Dome Bar, Marine Drive and the coffee shop at Crosswords) to analyze and over-analyze shit to death till I come outta there with the absolutely wrong way to deal with what ails me!
I'm going to start sounding like Carrie Bradshaw with my inane questions pretty soon. Other than the fact that I type this out on a PC wearing a Tshirt and jeans while she's on an IBook in a slip and panties, I think we're much the same person. Vaguely remember taking one of those "Which Sex and the City character are you?" quizzes...and I came off as a cross between Carrie and Miranda. Thank G-d it wasn't my "Why can't I be a father too" day or my "Stick that nine-incher down my throat" day or the outcome of that quiz might have been a lot different.
Anyway, here are my present dilemnas. All very shallow and very Carrie-esque.
1. When you know your friend is hanging out with a sicko, do you tell him the gory details or keep quiet?
2. Is it OK to hope a couple you know break up so you can mack on one of them?
3. Just how many crushes is one allowed to have? And why can't they live in India dammit!
4. Is it possible to really want someone you have never met?
5. When do you realize you've met The One?
6. How much compromise is OK when you meet someone interesting? Does everyone have to be a 10/10?
7. Am I a bad Indian boy if all I want to do is travel around the world not working?
8. What can I do to get a bleedin' guy to dance with me at the GB party!
9. Is my lack of persistence in following up a "We should have coffee sometime" causing me to miss out on interesting guys?
10. Do I ..gulp.. move my age limit for guys-I'll-date 5 years down to account for all the 21 years olds infesting the Bombay gay scene?
And finally...
11. As a gay man, just how many times am I allowed to kiss a woman before coming out to her?
A dozen beers down and I've only "solved" 3 of my dilemnas. And acted on just one. And yes, true to form, the Vikster picked the wrong answer and now a friend thinks I'm trying to sabotage his life cause I want him that bad. (No, I'm not. Yes, I do) ¿Problemas extraños eh?
In other news, Paul van Dyke's in Bombay just as I shake out the last few paise in my wallet to buy a samosa. This is why I should have stayed awake when my dad talked about "budgeting" and "planning" and "common sense" instead of hearing what I wanted "spending", "spontaniety" and "immaturity". Now I have 4/1500th of the cost of the ticket in my wallet rightnow..and I need it to buy the Midday. Or a lottery ticket. Whatever. I need a drink.
Current Music:
Amar Sonar Bangla - Bangladeshi National Anthem
I like the lyrics to this anthem. Very Very beautful (Or is that Bherry Bherry Bheautiphool?). Found it on a Bangladeshi Remix site. Who know! B'desh has pop music. And much of it sounding a lot better than Indian "Himesh Reshamiyaa" crap.
"What ARE you talking about Pats? You have no morals!"
Ah, if life were just that easy! Sadly, I have both morals (very few, I assure you!) and dilemnas to deal with. I love the cards that elephant-headed fat man in the sky deals me. Just when I'm all set to coast through life on my jet ski (I've always pictured myself "coasting through life" on a jet ski..I don't know why), I get walloped by a giant wave of "What do I do with this?". And then I have to head off to my usual think-about-stuff places (The Dome Bar, Marine Drive and the coffee shop at Crosswords) to analyze and over-analyze shit to death till I come outta there with the absolutely wrong way to deal with what ails me!
I'm going to start sounding like Carrie Bradshaw with my inane questions pretty soon. Other than the fact that I type this out on a PC wearing a Tshirt and jeans while she's on an IBook in a slip and panties, I think we're much the same person. Vaguely remember taking one of those "Which Sex and the City character are you?" quizzes...and I came off as a cross between Carrie and Miranda. Thank G-d it wasn't my "Why can't I be a father too" day or my "Stick that nine-incher down my throat" day or the outcome of that quiz might have been a lot different.
Anyway, here are my present dilemnas. All very shallow and very Carrie-esque.
1. When you know your friend is hanging out with a sicko, do you tell him the gory details or keep quiet?
2. Is it OK to hope a couple you know break up so you can mack on one of them?
3. Just how many crushes is one allowed to have? And why can't they live in India dammit!
4. Is it possible to really want someone you have never met?
5. When do you realize you've met The One?
6. How much compromise is OK when you meet someone interesting? Does everyone have to be a 10/10?
7. Am I a bad Indian boy if all I want to do is travel around the world not working?
8. What can I do to get a bleedin' guy to dance with me at the GB party!
9. Is my lack of persistence in following up a "We should have coffee sometime" causing me to miss out on interesting guys?
10. Do I ..gulp.. move my age limit for guys-I'll-date 5 years down to account for all the 21 years olds infesting the Bombay gay scene?
And finally...
11. As a gay man, just how many times am I allowed to kiss a woman before coming out to her?
A dozen beers down and I've only "solved" 3 of my dilemnas. And acted on just one. And yes, true to form, the Vikster picked the wrong answer and now a friend thinks I'm trying to sabotage his life cause I want him that bad. (No, I'm not. Yes, I do) ¿Problemas extraños eh?
In other news, Paul van Dyke's in Bombay just as I shake out the last few paise in my wallet to buy a samosa. This is why I should have stayed awake when my dad talked about "budgeting" and "planning" and "common sense" instead of hearing what I wanted "spending", "spontaniety" and "immaturity". Now I have 4/1500th of the cost of the ticket in my wallet rightnow..and I need it to buy the Midday. Or a lottery ticket. Whatever. I need a drink.
Current Music:
Amar Sonar Bangla - Bangladeshi National Anthem
I like the lyrics to this anthem. Very Very beautful (Or is that Bherry Bherry Bheautiphool?). Found it on a Bangladeshi Remix site. Who know! B'desh has pop music. And much of it sounding a lot better than Indian "Himesh Reshamiyaa" crap.
posted by Vikster @ 5:26 AM
12 Comments:
At 7:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
"7. Am I a bad Indian boy if all I want to do is travel around the world not working?"
for this one i'll have to give my 2 cents. nyet viks, nahin, non, não. there are a few desis who want to do that, including me. that doesn't make me a bad indian boy. it might make me a bad indian girl, but who cares.
TC, TTYL
At 8:20 AM,
Hob Gadling said…
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, zip-a-dee-ay! That's the sound of me dancing in glee! I found a spelling error in Vicky's blog! Vicky of the almost-perfect-verbal-section-in-the-GRE fame! Vicky the word nerd!
It's dilemma not dilemna!
(More dancing)
As for your questions...
1. Depends how much of a sicko. And how close a friend. If Hannibal Lecter is dating your langotiya yaar, you tell him (or her) ASAP.
5. When it's Too Late. That's how you know it was The One. (Sorry, but you caught me in my finest pessimistic moods.)
7. I just wanna marry some rich heiress and live offa her daddy's money.
11. Gay or not, when you get to chance-marofy you chance-marofy. At least someone is getting some action. Just give us all the gory details.
At 9:28 AM,
Anonymous said…
muhuhahahahhaha...i am the third person to comment on your blog!!...(ew...looks like i am suffering from vikramitis...symptom..excitable nature when commenting on forums,blogs and other chatrooms)...anyways...answer to your fourth question...definitely
At 10:31 AM,
southpawpisces said…
i was just going to ask what a 'dilemNa' was but i see i been beaten to that one..
anyways. sorry bout taking your case on the dozen beer claim, had no idea then that you meant all the beer you'd consumed in your lifetime..
At 12:01 AM,
Vikster said…
Satya: Let's go all around the world - you and me. You can sing for our supper at Jazz clubs in Rio and Marrakech while I count the takings..
Hob Ji: Yes, you got me. Thanks to the edit button, no one's gonna know what you talking about LOL!
1. Very sicko.
5. Pessimistic? I call that cynic-istic (WTF?)
7. As do I. Substitue heiress for heir and I'm the same.
11. Ah well, gentlemen don't kiss and tell..(in many ways)
Kindred Spirts: So what are you saying ;-)
Southpaw mahashay: Is that a challenge? Let me get dumped again and then you can buy me all the beer I can drink...then you'll see! PS. Feel free to substitue vodka/sprites too..
RP: 1. This would be the highest sicko bit as per your definition. (PS people who dump me are off my radar...so no questions there!)
5. Hmm. Doesn't work in Bombay. Running to the door of your highrise flat listening to the sound of an auto rickshaw stopping doesn't quite have the same romantic ring to it.
8. I just think I need to enjoy the Himesh Reshamiyya music they play at GB more.
At 1:39 AM,
Anonymous said…
Which are the three you've managed to work out after a dozen beers? I mean... 11 questions, 12 beers... should have been all wrapped up!
At 2:52 AM,
Anonymous said…
eyy where;s the dome bar exactly ?
At 4:02 AM,
Wild Reeds said…
Dear Vikster,
First of all excellent post as always. My opinions:
01) Sicko-delirious friend: Depends on what you call sicko. For example if a close friend of mine is losing her heart to a man I know is married, I shall tell her asap.
02)Couple-breaking: No way. But it's nice, your pre-requisite of their break-up before you mack one of them.
03)Pardesi crushes: Tell me about it man... all the high-maintenance ones have a foot in separate continents. But don't go emigrating to Traaanto just yet. You'll end up lugging a couple of shopping bags in a far-flung suburb, freezing your balls off and wistfully remembering all the desi boys back home.
04) Made for someone you haven't met: Yes. Didn't you see Kajol cavorting to "Mere khwabon mein jo aaye" in the rain, with Farida Jalal cheering her on? (Which btw was like a promotion video for VLCC but never mind).
05) Meeting The One: The feeling I suspect is no different from when you're wrong. Just go with it and hope you are right *this* time.
06) Compromise extent: no idea.
07) Good/bad Indian boy: As I was just saying to "Once Again", there are so many dichotomies in being a good Indian boy. To wit:
A)Being devout traditional Indian boy vs. westernised at the same time.
B) Respecting privacy and dignity of my family, and being out and proud at the same time.
C) Running a business in an environment of capitalist wolves, doing an MBA with dollar-spinning-eyed yups while being a socialist at heart, sensible to all concerns of workers.
D) Being among religious armchair-fanatics while being avowedly secular.
E) Bearing the crushing weight of my parents' dreams on my shoulders as well as forging a way for my individual career at the same time. The list goes on and on.
08) Hmmm
09) Yes. The "we should meet for coffee" line is like the awarding of a penalty corner in field hockey. it doesn't ensure a goal but dramatically increases the chances.
10) Age-limit downward revision: Some of them are really independent and mature. So why not. If it's a proto-Bhootni Spears, she'll make herself obvious within no time.
11) *Like Sunsearchers lady in Little Britain looking disdainfully at her monitor and then grimacing at customers:* "Compu'e sez naohhhh..."
At 4:34 AM,
Vikster said…
Irshy: I've answered #1, #7 and #10. Fucked up royally with my solution to #1. Thank G-d, 7 and 10 affect only me and no one else.
Anony: Dome Bar is at the Intercontinental at Marine Drive. Suggest you take a date there to impress him/her.
Wild Reeds Bhai:
1] Very sick indeed. I did tell my friend. Sides were taken. I lost out.
2] Man, I'd date either of the 2 in that relationship. Dammit! Why are they so happy! LOL
3] Toronto? Why whatever could you mean? (wink)
4] With my luck, I'm more Farida Jalal than Kajol (Wasn't she married off against her will in DDLJ?)
5] I'm tired of being wrong.
6] Same here
7] I got my answer here..
8] Precisement. Hmmm.
9] Or buying a lottery ticket. I give others 3 chances when I follow up. More than that, and it's a dead lead..never to be revived.
10] I disagree about the maturity bit. Life deals you a bunch of lemons when you'r 25+. Most of them have NO idea.
11] Well, yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but no.
At 11:41 AM,
Anonymous said…
L.O.L...You put that question there for a reason didnt you?..
At 10:00 PM,
roswitha said…
11. Vik!
Oh, and 3. Why not Rehaan Engineer?
At 11:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey- just wanted to know what you posted on "beautifully intented"'s page that the blog administrator had to remove...?
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