I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Ex-orcise!

Last night was cleaning-out-my-life night.

Stood on the weighing scale after Guppie mentioned how umm..paunchy I was looking in my tight Tshirt. I didn't wanna tell him those *weren't* low rise jeans I was wearing..it's just that I've no longer got a 30 inch waist. And the only way I can get something around my neither regions is by sucking in my belly and letting the wasitband finds it's own happy level somewhere below that vast overhang that is Vikster's paunch. (OK, So my mum thinks I'm obsessing..but for someone who looked like the Allies liberated him from Dachau just the night before all my life, any slight appearance of fat on me is treated with absolute horror and disgust). Especially since I took more than 10 years to get over my skinny body self-loathing...now I have 10 more years of fat hating to do?? No fair!

Anyway, made myself a diet plan. Only an apple for lunch starting tommorrow (OK make that the day after..I succumbed to the lure of grilled cheese sandwithces this afternoon). 50 sit-ups every morning (again, to be started tommorrow...I sorta overslept this morning...). And finally, the motivation? I bought myself a pair of pants that would make a grown man weep (OK so he'd have to be a gay fashionista!). And I bought them one size too small. My goal? Fitting into my size 30 jeans again while magically transferring all that belly fat to my ass. Hmm. Achievable? NOT with Christmas around the corner and Diwali sweets all over the kitchen still!

Also planning on a major detox campaign. I just realized that maybe drinking isn't the best way to forget your sorrows...writing them on a public blog for the world to see is SO much more fun! So I'm gonna try not drinking for a month. Well, I lie. I will still drink wine but am giving up on the martinis and cosmos. As for weed, I don't think I smoke enough for an intervention yet. Seriously, 2 puffs and I don't even inhale? What a loser druggie I am!

And finally, did the email cleanup.

I realized that my way of getting over past breakups with boyfriends was to create a new email ID so I can begin again ("a new slate" for the internet savvy generation). I occasionally have the urge to go back and re-read the emails to try to read the signs I was missing that the relationship was in trouble..but usually end up shaking my head at just how amazingly naive and trusting I was.

I deleted M.'s emails last night.

Gut wrenching. Absolutely gut wrenching. Especially when I realized how many of those emails had pictures of him and me together. Or just him and his dog. Or him and Boston. Pictures were the only way we could keep in touch in our long-distance relationship. The only way I could see just how awesome my boyfriend looked and how much in love with him I was. I caught myself reading al the emails we wrote to each other. Some love letters - romantic, tender, hopeful .. some letters full of lust - eager, horny.. some plaintive, some wistful, some happy, many sad. And the crescendo building up to the day he came to Bombay to visit me. The last email sent the night before I knew I was to see him agian after months of being apart.."in 26 hours I will be in your arms again"..

The slacking of emails after that. Almost as if seeing each other again was just too painful because we both knew what we were missing. Seeing how I was establishing my life here meaning I was building a space around where he was absent. Seeing how happy I was with him and realizing how sad I would be when he would leave. I think I understand why M. had to leave me and move on. I understand but it still hurts.

I deleted M.'s emails last night. As part of my cleaning-up-my-life process. Then why do I feel like crap?

Current Music:
Ne me jugez pas - Sawt el-Atlas

These brothers from Morrocco totally wow me with their blend of Arabic rhythym and French pop. Highly recommended.

16 Comments:

  • At 3:55 AM, Blogger pranav said…

    temme about it!!!! Sometime early this year my waist size crept up to 31 and after a phase of painful denial, I am happy (and snug) in my size 32s now..!!!
    50 pushups aint gonna do anything to the lovehandle, vikster!! make that 300 and you better grab breakfast!!! and yeah...run..!!!:-D

     
  • At 4:36 AM, Blogger Archster said…

    Id say a few pounds would do you good!

    And i so wish deleting memories are as easy as deleting someone off ur IM or an email! But then life would be *too* simple.

     
  • At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    isnt it tuff deleting emails...
    i been there ..
    and as for waist.. dude i went from 31 to 36 in 6 mths ... reason: beer :P
    btw i got this arabian chick singer asalah ... quite nice voice she got...
    u shud check it out

    cheerz
    Saty

     
  • At 2:06 PM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    I'm not even going to begin talking about gaining weight! And all i can say is...while deleting the mails hurts now..it'll definitely not be so after some time. And if it might help *B* was asking about you today... And Reshu SMS'd u the other things he said ;)

     
  • At 2:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Vic,

    When your belly hangs over your belt its called a 'dunlap' cuase your belly dun lapped over....
    But it's not the end of the world, just don't teach yourself how to make butter, that could spell utter destruction.


    Fine, you dragged it out of me, All you have to do, i should not be letting this out but hey misery looves company, anyway, all you have to do is take some heavy whipping cream, put it in a jar, and shake it for 15 minutes until the butter breaks from the cream, which is now buttermilk. Vicky, please don't try this at home or when you're alone. The butter you're left with is a gift from GOD, and Chemistry.

    Yours Truly,
    DUNCAN HINES

     
  • At 10:17 PM, Anonymous Sanjay said…

    First, run along and see if those mails are still in the recycle bin (or trash or "Deleted Items"). If they are, recover them immediately.

    Cleaning up your life once in a while is not a bad idea. But cleaning up precious memories is not. Sure, right now those memory are still very sharp. That is why they hurt so much. But in time, trust me on this one, they will not be as sharp. Their hurtful side will have faded away. What's left will be very precious. They will give you inspiration. The bad memories will make you realize how far you have come. How you succeeded in defeating them. The good ones will bring a smile on your face. They will never fail to lift your spirits.

    And anyway, were those mails really responsible for the sadness you are feeling at the loss of M? Did you read them everyday? I don't think that is the case. So why get rid of them? If they were causing so much hurt why not just lock them up for, say, 5 years? Deep down you know that the mails are not what were (are) causing the hurt. It is what happened that is causing it. And you certainly cannot delete that, can you? Unless you become a bahu from one of our TV soaps who have the magical powers of turning on and off their memories as if a switch* is located somewhere on their body!

    Sanjay

    * Just my way of lightening up** what I think is a heavy comment.

    ** Just imagine that switch located on Tulsi's G-spot. Mihir is fucking her. Here is what you hear:

    Mihir penetrates her
    Tulsi: Oh Mihir, fuck me hard!

    He withdraws
    Tulsi: Lucche! Lafange! Koun to tum?

    He's in again
    Tulsi: Oh Mihir, aur jor se

    Out
    Tulsi: Kameene, meri ijjat par haath daalte hue tujhe sharm nahin aati?

    in again
    Tulsi: aur tej, aur tej

    out
    Tulsi: nahin, tum mere saath yeh nahin kar sakte

    in
    Tulsi: aaaaaah! aaaaaaah!

    out
    Tulsi: Baa! Baa!

     
  • At 2:12 AM, Anonymous kestrel said…

    preserve your memories....Atleast u would know that someone actually wanted to be in your arms..........

    it requires guts to let things go...am proud of u...

    and as for the waist line..dont bother abt food..just cut the alcohol...thin people get bellies just becos of alcohol...or rice...cut on both!!

     
  • At 8:58 AM, Anonymous closetalk said…

    hmmm.. two love sick sweethearts comforting each other, eh? ;-) ok, sorry for dat, vik and kestrel! u know i'm a sweetheart, despite de bitchy comments, right?
    ;-)
    right?
    right?
    damn, no reply.

     
  • At 10:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    stop these gaygiri chutye.....get a life...

     
  • At 1:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi Vikster,

    Entertaining blog - a good mix of personal and provocative :-). In any case, considering your interest in Roman history, have you read Julian by Gore Vidal? If not, you *must*! It is vintage Vidal with biting humour, erudition, and a grand sweep of history carefully mixed and stirred to create a crackling book!!

    Sandeep

     
  • At 2:19 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Pranav: I run anyway! Now looks like I will have to run with weights strapped to my back or something....Still at a svelte 31 but I have a bad feeling I'm going to end the year at a 34 at this rate!

    Archie: Premise of the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind..one of my favourite movies for the same reason.

    Saty: Thank you..will do so!

    Vij: Straight people saying nice things about me? Hmm. Well, if it wasn't like everyday I would be happy...

    Duncan: You don't love me anymore. *sad*

    Sanjay: Your KSBKBT dialogue was hysterical. Though now I can no longer have sex (lol! like I was having any to begin with) without thinking of Tulsi saying Aah Aaah..
    The emails were DELETED for a reason. It's my way of removing the happy memories from my life. That way, I can move on without wondering "What if"

    Kestrel: Rice is my life. If you're coastal you'd know what I mean. As is alcohol...now anyway. I feel stupid enough at a club since I don't smoke. Now no drinking? What do my hands do then?

    CT: Me and kestrel? Ah sadly no. He's not over A. I'm sorta just kinda over M.

    Anonymous: I told you not to read my blog Amma!

    Sandeep: Thanks dude! And yes:)
    I have read Julian by Gore Vidal..if you like Roman history tooo, IM me,..Julian is one complicated Emperor and I would love to discuss him!

     
  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger Enemy of the Republic said…

    DON'T DELETE THE EMAILS! God, I understand how you feel. But later on, you will want the memories--maybe you will add them to that book of yours or maybe you will see how much you have grown. It's hard when you are in pain, but try to look at the big picture, whatever it may be.

    Good post.

     
  • At 10:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    With every post that sends a knife to my heart, perhaps a dagger of love, a propelling shrapnel, I squint and crunch in denial of my true desire to make you feel happy. Yet I come out of this grip knowing the memories are real and cannot be broken by vastness of life that separates us -- forever.
    "....but I will manage with the memory till I am with you again"
    I will manage the memories, untill you are free.

    M.

     
  • At 8:43 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    To the last poster (Anonymous),

    If this is a joke, it's not funny. My memories are still raw enough that this hurts.

    If it indeed is you M., you know what this comment makes me feel. Because you're the one person who has ever known me the way I want someone to.

    I'm sad now. Cause I don't know who posted this. And I'm heartbroken all over again.

     
  • At 12:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can't say I understand what it feels like.. But the neurotic and insecure person I am, I can well imagine what it'd be like if He left..

    Any immediate suggestions??

     
  • At 10:18 PM, Blogger ahem said…

    ey C.Charlie! u r just fine so stop begging for compliments... i see no paunch. Especially with u dressing formal and lettn go off ur loose fits, u lookn FINE!

    As for the cleaning out, brave move. But bring back those pictures, as that will help you bring back a smile every now and then in your old age.

    Ur doing just fine, time will heal!

    Cheers!
    a....me!

     

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