I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

An evening chez expats

So S. (le juif francais) called up and wanted to go out for dinner and then to a party for some expat friends who were leaving Bombay to go back to their respective countries. I said yes because I had nothing else to do than have dinner with someone who claims to find me cute but is equally repulsed by my intelligence and lack of I'm-just-looking-for-a-casual-fuck 'ness. And Saturday nights watching NDTV's breaking news about what Monica Bedi wore to her interrogation pale in comparison to going to a party where I knew NOBODY.

So off I toodle off to Pot Pourri where I discuss Paris riots and my life with M. to someone who compliments me on looking like the cutest person at the restaurant (not surprising seeing as the only other people there were a huge Sindhi family and a couple of wannabe models - all bonded hair and pouts) and in the same breath asks me if I have any friends I want to pass off for a quick fuck. Honestly, I'm such a masochist. Every breath in me screams to me that I'm worth more than this but the sheer lack of anything else to occupy my time makes me sit through conversations like this and grin through it all. Though the non-date'ish conversations with S. are actually fun. Not that this was a date by the way. It has been made amply clear to me that I'm only friend-worthy and not fuck-worthy (I'd say sponge-worthy but not sure how many non-Seinfeld'ians will get that).

Then off we go to this expat party thing. In a HUGE apartment off Linking Road in Bandra. To someone who grew up in a 400 sq. foot house, the sheer luxury of 3 bedrooms and an open terrace is like paradise (You may keep your 72 virgins, my paradise is an apartment with a room to myself...and all the Thums Up I can drink). The house was unbelievably beautiful, the furniture was contemporary and the open kitchen was a dream come true (The appliances! Did I mention the appliances!!). It almost felt like I was stepping into one of those Brookline condos I used to go check out on Sunday mornings when I lived in Boston..except this was in des!

Most of the expats there were European..I mean almost all of them. Couple of Americans (I just realized how much I missed hearing a real, honest-to-God Boston accent) there but most were French with a couple of Belgians, Dutch and Norwegians (Or is that Norse?). Lingua france there? French. Even the few desis there spoke French. As did I ... sounding like a mildly retarded Quebecois. Seriously, listening to a question in rapid-fire French, translating it into English in your head, processing it, translating back and then trying to be gramatically correct in French? All in 10 seconds? It's hard! Hence the pitying looks I got when I uttered such gems as (En anglais) "Yes. I lives here in Bandra many years since my house is here" and "I am in Boston for 8 years and I am happy to be in Bombay now" and "But yes! I am liking the wine much and am drinking it everyday with many peoples". But honestly, my franglais paled in comparison to the Hindi most of them have picked up in months of living in Bombay. Sample this : "Seedha" (Straight), "Gadha" (Donkey), "Kitna" How much?, "Bahut khush" Very happy.

Now tell me who sounds more retarded?

But the music was good (Arabic/French and Euro house), the hosts were awesome (made me feel like they knew me all their lives) and I felt very very much in need of some Fair and Handsome. I'm wheatish (that deliciously quaint desi word to mean I'm marriagable) but in front of assorted Teutons and Franks, I'm positively brown. Not the light-brown Bournvita colour, more like the Cafe Coffee Day Mocha with the dark rich chocolate veins running through it. I had a mild crisis when I wondered who would marry me since I was so dark and ugly.. and then I realized I was gay. The Government won't let me marry the man I love and the man I love doesn't want me anyway. Hooray!

*rubs fairness cream into cheeks*

The differences between all-desi parties and all-firang ones?
Desi party: Samosas, chips, pani puri, assorted farsan, coke/pepsi/etc., beer
Firang party: Vodka

Desi party: Women in tight tops, short skirts and impossibly high heels
Firang party: Women in salwar kameez and bindis.

Desi party: Gossip and bitching
Firang party: Inconsequential talk while all the time picturing other person naked in bed.

Desi party: Party games (shudder!)
Firang party: Bring out the hash and weed and life is a party!

Desi party: Everyone macks on the single firang who wandered in
Firang party: The desis are there to answer questions about India

But all in all, thanks to some very gracious hosts and some very nice people I met (all from the French Trade Commission..man! they're friendly!), I actually had a pretty good Saturday night. Drank some wine, boogied to Abdel Khader and Alabina and walked home alone while some drunk in a car yelled out "Woohoo! Sexy man!" at me.

Good times!

Current Music:
Laissez-moi danser - Dalida

This would be the quintessential drag queen song. Oh wait! It IS the quintessential drag queen song beating out such hits as "Thank you for the music" by Abba and "It's raining men".


  • At 2:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This is Lets-try-to-understand-Vikster program: 1. I want to have a casual-fuck with my long time lover.2. I am uber-cute as long as you dont tell me that.But you must tell me that.3. I am one damn good writer. Why the * do u think I exist,otherwise? 4.Everybody loves me and i love someone else.

    Lucky U Vikster. You are as sparkling as always. Lots of beds, arms, minds and hearts let out a collective sigh for that sweet pain of not having you.

    One of them, Zed.

  • At 2:48 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Anonymous: Thanks...(I think?)
    1. I have no long time lover.
    2. It helps to tell me that. You get to see me blush.
    3. I don't think so. I've read many many blogs that are far better written (The ones I like are on the right)
    4. LOL @ everybody loves me. I love everybody as well but there's one person who I *have* loved more.(tenses are important here)

  • At 5:45 AM, Anonymous kestrel said…

    A brillaint post! But i liked the "woo hoo sexy man!" the most..
    It just gives the word "anonymous" a new dimension...

  • At 7:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey i was at pot pouri on sat
    its like 3 mins frm my house
    and me too .. i drank like 5 thums ups today


  • At 7:24 AM, Blogger karuna said…

    So whats wrong with sindhi families huh huh??
    And you speak french! I kinda thought so but couldnt be sure hooww? that adds to sexiness quotient, your french really isn't that bad. I'd need over 10 seconds to understand the question in the first place.

  • At 11:32 PM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    Does everyone have to say nice things abt you on your comments page? Or sound mildly or not-so-mildly flirtatious?
    But i love the "Woohoo sexy man!" bit too. If it were me, that would have made me happy for the next 10 days...
    And which desi parties u go to where they make u play games? Stop going there immediately!

  • At 12:46 AM, Anonymous veed said…

    *insert mildly flirtatious comment here*

  • At 5:58 AM, Blogger Spacewoman Shilp said…

    I chuckled all through this post AND the comments:))
    Wonder who taught the firangs "gadha"..lol. and the "Woohoo sexy man!" bit is definitely the icing on that cake:D

  • At 8:21 AM, Anonymous Asha Suparna said…

    Hilarious I must say!!

  • At 8:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hmmm I say a amazing date :D

  • At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    desi party:

    three characters, dumb girl, some straight acting guys.

    geta: Hey I have this friend, my best friend and she likes to get it up the but, is that illegal in this state?

    sam: Ohh, I don't know, I think ass sex is illegal.

    geta: Even for boys and girls?

    neil: Yeah, prison time for sure.

    geta: ( changing subject) Ohh, ahh is there any more Kibbie?


  • At 10:09 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Kestrel: You found getting hooted at by a drunk man fun? I dunno abou that!

    Satya: Looks like we hang out at the same places and live in the same area...say Hi when you see me around(seeing as you've apparently spotted me a few times and I have no idea who you are)

    Karuna: Rich loud flashy Sindhi families? No thanks!
    French adds to sexiness quotient in bed. Atleast I like to think so.

    Vij: Your party was one of the few where I didn't have to play a game. Though methinks flirting with the Bunny could have qualified no?

    Veed: *flirts right back* (Laughing at the incredibly juvenile thought of *inserting comments here* hehehehehee)

    Shilpa: I confess. I taught M. words like "Ch****a" and MC/BC ki gaalis. It's so much fun telling them that it's an endearment (though it bit be back in the ass, when M. called my MC in front of my sister..in a loving way!!)

    Ashaji: Thank you.

    Anony: Yeah, I think dates where my date looks at others evaluating their layability, dances with everyone else but me and then leaves me to walk back home alone is indeed amazing.
    Well, atleast he didn't go back home with someone else (like a previous date did)....oh wait! He probably did.

    Duncan: Come to Bombay. It's illegal here..but I think theirs a loophole (*dies laughing at juxtaposition of anal sex and loophole*)

  • At 5:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Viks, U live in supreme self denial; I wouldnt mind being called a Sexy Man by a bottle of santara!!

  • At 12:29 PM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    THE bunny? Did u just say that? THE BUNNY! ...I cant stop laughing now...seriously. THE Vikster and THE Bunny! Amen ;-)

  • At 4:19 PM, Blogger Id it is said…

    Interesting blog.
    Friends that find you 'cute' are 'repulsed' by your intelligence...why? Isn't that a vital part of being 'cute' ( 'clever and shrewd')? .

  • At 2:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I notice that you bring up your looks every opportunity that you get. Now either you're a little self-obsessed or you're trying to drill it into your readers heads. We get it dude - you're cute and sexy and everything nice!

    Actually from your pic you seem like a reasonably good looking man - too bad you're not an easy fuck!

  • At 2:45 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Anonymous: Too bad I couldn't see what the bottle of santra looked like!

    Vij: The Bunny it is.

    Id it is: Cute implies dumb. Intelligent implies not cute. In most books that is.

    Anonymous: I'm self-obsessed to the point of insanity.
    I'm also reasonably good looking (Thank you for that "reasonable" bit..now I'll be up all night obsessing).

    I'm also an easy fuck. You meet my impossibly high standards and fuck away.

  • At 2:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I bet I could meet your 'impossibly' high standards. The question is, do you meet mine?!!!!


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