I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Musings and all that

This post was supposed to be about something else but I'll just put that on the back burner for a bit (Thank you blogger.com for letting me save drafts). I've been rather incommunicado eh? Well, many reasons; the rain gods have ABANDONED me! 2 days of rain and I get so excited and happy..and then nothing for the next 2 weeks? It's enough to make anyone depressed! Especially someone who longs for dull, dark, gloomy days! Plus, I've been sick (boohoo!). Though I'm supremely grateful to be still living at home and having Amma nurse me back to health from a rather nasty bout of viral fever....varan-baath, adrak chai and Crocin - my diet for the last 4 days. I'm sure I've lost some poundage (Yes!).

Anyway, I've been musing over things. And people. Ever since VisualScribe and me went on this uber-long walk/coffeeshop haunting on Sunday. We talked about a lot of things, mainly how our views and wants ahve changed around the age 30 mark. Suddenly sex isn't that important. (I use "that" to emphasize I do like a bit of it now and then - preferably accompanied with a good dinner beforehand). It's the companionship that matters. I've been hanging around with almost exclusively coupled people the last couple of months and while they bitch and moan about not being alone to do what they want, they always have someone to do it with. That's what us single people are missing really. I mean when you're 25 it's all about the next fuck, at 30 suddenly it starts looking very different. You miss the physical closeness of someone, the mental peace of sharing your deepest issues and needs with someone, the emotional stability a partner provides. (I'm guessing at 35 it moves into the cynical view that single is best) I watched this Sex and the City episode a few nights ago when Carrie turns 35 and no one shows up to her birthday party. That episode really touched me because of the morning-after conversation she has with her friends. She talks about how it suddenly hit her just how alone she was..and how sad she felt that she didn't have someone. While I understand that you don't "have" to have someone, at some point every human needs and deserves that companion. I've reached that point. So have several people my age I know. Is there something about turning 30 that makes you think like this? Suddenly I'm looking at apartments to evaluate whether a couple would like it, looking at clothes I wouldn't mind sharing, investigating dates before going on them, adding the dreaded "financial" bit to the normal qualities I look for....

Am I getting old?

I'm getting harsh with people I feel aren't contributing - friends, co-workers, family, dates. If I'm not getting what I want from you, I'm just cutting you out. Why do I do that? Is it some sub-concious need to protect myself now that I have more to lose? I've yelled at someone who just called to say hi yesterday for calling me after a long while being incommunicado and not following through on promises to have dinner/drinks/catch up. Yeah, like I don't know what that means!
"Let's do drinks sometime" = "I'm being polite but I'm not really interested in knowing you"
G-d! I'm turning into such a cynic! (From Carrie to Miranda?) No contact in a month and people are off my phone list, no contact in 2 and they're off my IM list, any more and outta my life...

In other news, I think I cut off my balls and pickled them when I spent 30 minutes helping a friend pick out lingerie at La Senza. I guess the only way I can get them back is by drinking a pitcher of beer and vomitting down the front of some girls tee while I'm freaking with her. Sigh.

Or I can wear my colours and support SERBIA for World Cup Champs 2006! Woohoo! They play Argentina tonight. I'll be the only one at Seijo on their side I bet...

Current Music:
Complainte de la butte - Rufus Wainwright

I absolutely love how 1950's French cafe this sounds. And I love Rufus' lifestyle! And waht a voice eh? (Why do I giggle when I see the name of this song?)


  • At 7:05 AM, Blogger fatty ~ said…

    if trimming the dead wood is sign of old age, im gonna die before i reach 30.

  • At 1:04 AM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    All so true. Sigh! But i'm glad that as we go older at least some things start making sense...

  • At 1:19 AM, Blogger Hob Gadling said…

    Oh poor poor Vikster, he rooted for Serbia!

    6 - 0!

  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger Mahesh said…

    I guess changing priorities is inevitable. I don't know (m)any 45+ plus gay men - single or otherwise - and I do wonder what my priorities will be then. At 32, I am already all set for the apartment, intimacy etc..

    :) Mahesh

  • At 12:54 AM, Blogger roswitha said…

    Rufus singing in French is one of life's heady pleasures, the more so because his accent goes all cute and wonky sometimes and then I totally want to hold him, omg.

    Also, agree about gigglefits every time I listen to this song. :D

  • At 4:31 AM, Blogger AllesAufDemWeg said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • At 4:33 AM, Blogger AllesAufDemWeg said…

    I think that is not a good idea to chuck people out of your phone/IM list!! You should also take an effort to keep in touch with people..It cant be einseitig! Keep one thing in your mind, It is very easy to break relationships, vik! It is very difficult to rebuild them once they are broken!

  • At 8:09 AM, Anonymous Mitali said…

    Chill darling. I'm there too -- more practical, more honest than ever. less giving, but less opinionated / judgemental as well. Welcome to the grown-up world :) We *were* to get here somehow anyway.

  • At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I've been thinking about your post for a while esp your deleting ppl from your contact list. I agree with everything AllesAufDemWeg said. If I were so rigid, I would not have the numbers of most of our friends and family:)Now that I think about it perhaps you don't have my number in your phone.

  • At 12:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hey you know what - santiy i feel becomes the most important in all this. as a person seeing you everyday - i would really ask you - dont become what i have - you are forever so funny and cute - be yourself and i know you will have a wonderful someone to share your life with. and also dont drop your expectations or dreams.

    love, laughs and strawberry fields forever.............


  • At 6:32 AM, Blogger curly said…

    hi there im james
    n im a copywriter too gues what im gay toooooo
    well i just wanted to make freinds
    im pretty new to thins blogging n all
    so i was hopin you could gimme some guidance
    i must say i really like your messages on ur blog
    seee ya

  • At 8:18 AM, Blogger AllesAufDemWeg said…

    Exactly you cannot just assume anything on your own! So now you know one thing, you should not desert your friends / to be friends completely! Dare you delete my number again!

  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger AllesAufDemWeg said…

    I was actually waiting for your reply to the comments..Usually you don't take so long to post your comments on the comments! Because you haven't posted here for long, I am trying to think and understand, that you must be busy or not in the mood or not well or for some reason you are not able to access this site. I am not jumping on any kind of drastic conclusion and erasing your blog URL out of my memory/out of my IE history/out of my mailbox/from everywhere! .. C'est clair??

  • At 5:16 AM, Blogger Sex and the City said…

    "Let's do drinks sometime" = "I'm being polite but I'm not really interested in knowing you"

    i hope i have been in contact with you more often than you think i have...so dont cut me off :-(

  • At 11:41 PM, Anonymous R Pereira said…

    Over 30 musings:- It's quite normal to want to belong - to a group, another person or ourselves - where we're accepted unconditionally. I think loneliness is the exact opposite of belonging. Loneliness is the feeling of not belonging.
    Over 30 issues can be a thesis. Too much for one comment on your blog.

    Pruning friends:- I think it's great that you want to invest in friendships that matter. It's a healthy form of selfishness. Friendship takes conscious committment. However, I disagree with cutting your friends off unilaterally. The ending of friendships should be clearly agreed to by both. I think you're frustrated and feeling punitive towards your past friends. This is causing you to misinterpret the situation.
    "Let's do drinks sometime" is not a rejection. It is a low-ball offer on the level of friendship. You have to negotiate the friendship by making a counter-offer.

    Being asked to pick lingerie for a girl-friend is quite a compliment to your aesthetic sense. Nothing wrong with it.

  • At 3:47 AM, Anonymous Rish said…

    Hey V

    Your description of Rufus' music makes me want to hear it.

    Where do you generally get your music?

  • At 2:25 AM, Blogger anydamnguy said…

    Hey Vik,
    You are scaring me . I am 25 and don't care abt relationships (or at least thats what I tell everyone) , coz they never seem to be right. There is no right guy and the guy next door is not really the frog-prince.I feel endlessly cynical , now , 5 years behind you. Can't imagine what I would turn into when I am 30.
    BTW , why dont u come to darjeeling? We can chat up a bit .

  • At 2:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi Vikster,

    Checked your playlist on the side and, surprise, you listen to Tchaikovsky - my favorite composer. Isn't his music absolutely and madly passionate?

    By the way, did you know he was gay and a manic depressive? Well, at least thats what we have in common anyway :-).

    Take care

  • At 4:35 AM, Blogger CJ said…

    At 30... its not what you look at that matters ... it's what you see ... that makes all the difference! I'm happier now in ways you cannot imagine! I used to be more mature when i was younger ... it's time to feel like a child in his arms once again... :) Try it! it might just work...! :)

  • At 5:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think I got to age 35 ten years too early! You start to cut out those who aren't contributing because you begin to value yourself, your time, emotions and energy and nothing is worth wasting since there's such a limited supply. You become more specific, not necessarily cynical I think, about what you need and what you can give (emotional, sexual, material etc). Hopefully if its followed by patience, acceptance and a gravitational pull towards solitude or deeper companionship, it might even translate into wisdom.

  • At 5:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't know if the need for companionship is associated with age... I am 25 and I can understand what you are talking about. I guess its the stage of life where you have shagged pretty much anything that moves and appeals to you and there isnt anything that you havent explored. Yes random sex is great but it doesnt have the dimension of meaning that companionship brings along with it.

    Still pretending to be busy at work!!!


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