I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Allergies! Boohoo!

I'm weeping as I type. I'm also crusty, snotty and generally unattractive right now (Take me now Lord!). Thank you End-Of-Monsoons! Gone are the damp, humid days and here come the duststorms and heat of October. Along with every f'ing thing that makes my life a living hell.

Hmm. Let's see what I have to look forward the next month or so:

Dust: Bombay's gift to the world.

Paint fumes: From the construction ALL over the place (Honestly, can anyone actually afford the flats in Bandra anymore? Or am I the only poverty stricken/sleeping on dad's couch/eating mom's food/budgeting young guy in this area?). On the other hand, I have seen some rather buff construction workers around. Pros outweigh the cons here....

Cigarette smoke: It's either me getting used to it, or having to axe about 75% of my friends list, about 95% of my hanging out places and about 10% of prospective boyfriends (Smoking boyfriends? NOt unless they're "smoking..hot". Then again I bent the rule for M. and I have been rather lax on dates recently....this is what happens when you get older. You compromise on what you want. Sigh.)

Pollen: Bhagwaan tera lakh lakh shukar hain (in Hindi film Nirupa Roy ishtyle) that we don't have oak trees in Bandra. I am deadly allergic to Oak Pollen (Stupid America! Made me allergic to all the weirdest things - Oak trees, miso, Celine Dion..)

Grass: NOT the fun kind...I'm *SO* not allergic to that. Though it has like NO effect on me at all. I must be one of those people who inhale incorrectly..comes from being a non-smoker I suppose. I mean the common green variety that is ALL over the place here..I think they call it Congress Grass.

So I'm reduced to almost continuosly weeping and sneezing. I didn't cry this much when Jugal Hansraj accidently yells "Mummy" and Shabana Azmi gives him the vicious "Main tumhari Mummy nahin!". Or when all those satyagrahis get their heads bashed in at the salt works in Gandhi.
Instead, I have tears in my eyes as I inspect the coffee list at Coffee Day. I sneeze as I spot a particularly well-favoured human specimen (I think G-d is a Punjabi. Why elese would he give them such awesme bods? Then again, they almost alwyas have no brains.Hmm.). I have to blink away and scratch at the crusty eye boogers just as some cutie leans over and says Hi.

I'm going to die alone and sneezing. (Today's record: 52 sneezes on a 6 minute walk to work).

On the plus side (*This* is your plus side??), I finished Vol 5. of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire and have begun Vol. 6..I'm excited..though I suspect I know the ending already. I got shit from a "friend" for only reading this to appear intellectual. I'm so mad I challenge any of you to ask me a question Re: the books. And I'll show y'all. As we said in Std. III, I'm GodPromising you. MotherSwear FatherSwear.

Current music:

I'm sneezing so hard my headphones keep slipping out of my ears.


  • At 12:22 AM, Blogger Archster said…

    Im still boo hoo-ing about pimples.

    But i think ill start on the rest from today! Inflated rent figures and such...

  • At 12:48 AM, Blogger Satya said…

    whoopsie daisies.. u know i tell people to smoke thru their nose if they have a sneeze-breeze but gues u wldnt do that ... btw about french music .. ever listened to joe dassin ,patrick bruel,lynda lemay,charles aznavour and the amazing edith piaf... ?

    wont beleiev i even got this french lounge-jazz compilation called sexopolis... def. sex music

  • At 12:53 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Mais oui, j'ai ecoute tout les personnes!

    How about Clarika, Mylene Farmer, MC Solaar, Amina?

    J'aime beaucoup les chansons de Piaf. Je peut chanter "Milord" avec mes amis quand j'ai bu un peu d'alcool.

  • At 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i resent the Punjabi comments and all your others. I know you secretly wish you were a Punjabi aunty named Shashi. Then with your allergies you could say "ahem, aaj mera gala kharab hai".

    Your favorite Punju

  • At 7:43 AM, Anonymous closetalk said…

    too much french here for me ignorant boy. :( sigh. so..... buff construction workers, eh? in bandra???? hehehe.. thought, bandra only had tall thin mallu boys who speak in bandra-lish and are devastatingly easy on de eyes?
    yes, yes, i luv u too.

  • At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My life has been one long wet allergy attack. Since day one, in the crusty crowded streets of Bombay, my system has been under attack, and i have been one congested, sneezing mess. i'm the guy who always sounds like he has a cold.

    I can't even breathe through my nose. i have to walk around like some strange land bound fish with my mouth open to get any air, and like a shark i have to keep moving to breathe.

    I think the problem is in my Nose.

    They call it a deviated septum, i call it my excuse to get a nose-job. Not since Fanny Brice has a nose like mine walked the earth. At least Fanny got paid for causing people to laugh, I just get all the pain. The nose is huge. Striesand big, a real happening in Central Park. Barbra kept her nose cause she was afraid of what it would do to her voice--what's my excuse? I guess I'm waiting for somone to make the Toucan Sam story --you know, that bird on the box of Fruit Loops, only then can I make this nose work for me.

    My gal pal said i looked like Rekha from the side. Here's kind of how the conversation went:

    her: You look like Rekha.

    me: What, are you kidding?

    her: Yes, that beak of yours makes you look like Rekha, a bird.

    me: Rekha's pretty, i think.

    her: Pretty Ugly.

    me: I just don't see it.

    her: Turn to the side, see that hooked nose and those bird lips.

    me: ( now turning to her)
    Why are we friends?

    ( now we're both staring at me in the mirror)

    her: I see Rekha in Mr.Natwarlal.

    me: As long as I don't look like Rekha in Khoon Bhari Maang.

    her: then she pulls my clothes tightly around my waist.

    her: and that girlish figure belongs to Jaya Prada.

    me: I want to die.

    her: relax, the circus is in town.

    I didn't join the circus but i did skip out on the human race for a long time. I was like Gelsomina in La Strada, wandering around a cold heartless Rome, looking for someone to love her amoung the ruins, and see past her Rekha nose and Jaya Prada hips.
    I don't want to end up dying on some porch all alone. AHHH the drama, and so early in the day. see what all this self reflection has done, it's turned me into a tortured Itaian film star. can i go through my day as Sophia Lorean? Oy! i forgot the Cassandra Crossing, scratch that. I think I'll be anna magnani in ROME OPEN CITY.

    me as ANNA: OHH i just want to die, if only i didn't look so good, when i felt so bad.


  • At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…


    i can't believe i said" crusty crowded" in the previous message. I'm such a dork. can i retract that awfull word combination. that makes me sound like a dimwit. And Vic already used "crusty" and better. i suck at this writing stuff but i feel like one of those animals on the discovery channel, you know the kind that wander onto another animal's territory, sniff around at the urine and shit markings and then feel the urge to spray a little of one's own piss.

    I'm an animal spraying my piss/words all over Vicky and his territory though nothing i say is as funny or well written. What am i trying to say? I'm like a Rhino dropping huge mounds of crap just trying to tell the world I'm in estrus.


  • At 12:55 PM, Blogger Satya said…

    arre vik
    i dont know french
    but i listen to french ..
    i will speak it someday tho..
    and i really havent heard
    any ppl u mentioned...
    u said something abt piaf tho...

    btw have u heard kevin kline's
    version of la mer ???

  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    If you're in estrus, just come over. I'm in a constant state of readiness myself...

    Mallu boys in Bandra? Wot? (Non sequitor?)

    Piaf is one of my favourites. But I need to be in a certain mood to listen to her. Sorta like me needing to inject heroin into a vein to understand the rembetika of Roza Eshkenazi..

  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    "The nose is huge."

    Do we know each other? (You seem to have discovered my *one* fetish. I like guys with big noses...ergo all the Jewish guys I date)

    If we indeed know each other, drop me a subtle hint when we next meet (and then we'll make out OK?)

  • At 12:15 AM, Blogger Satya said…

    u kno the first time i heard piaf ,it wasnt la vie en rose.. it was Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien... the amount of rrrrr's
    in her R's was amazing... i thaught she was spanish singin french or something ...

    one song of hers i drooled over recently was les amants de paris....
    heard it ?

  • At 10:41 AM, Anonymous Balaji said…

    Vikky Baba,

    Coldarin lee ?


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