Koshy's and a weird post

For the first time, I’m actually writing a post sitting outside my home or my office…weird how it’s taken my almost 2.5 years to do that. Weirder is the fact that I’m writing this sitting at the same table in the same restaurant where my parents met almost exactly 40 years ago for the first time. Eating what seems to be bread that’s been around for about that long (perhaps the very loaf that my mother sliced as a college student in the 60’s).

I’m at Koshy’s – arguably one of Bangalore’s landmarks…for the art, theater and literature crowd primarily (with a sprinkling of lawyers and petty businessmen thrown in for good measure) and populated by a surprising number of lesbians. Or perhaps they are just very girly men. No, I guess they are lesbians – I see no brand name clothing on them. Quite a few gay bois too…almost all on dates. Surprising that – I’ve always felt that Bangalore is quite dry in terms of the “I want to go out on a dinner and drinks date with you” type of guys. It’s more of a “I am free from 8 pm to 9 pm so let’s get together and fuck” kinda place. Which I suppose Bombay is as well – except the fact that most of us “have no place” makes us almost compulsory daters. The lack of any place to allow us to fulfill our societal expectations of being promiscuous sex maniacs makes us all hetero-normative serial daters in Bombay. Thank you, outdated rental laws in Bombay – thanks to you I will have to be a “coffee and dinner” guy as opposed to the “pump and dump” kind. Anyone who’s been on a dinner date with a hunk from Rohtak will know just how tough it is to be the first type of guy as opposed to the second.

I’ve spent my last hour compiling things I love and hate for a friend’s chain email that (wonder of wonders) actually got me thinking. The question was “What 5 things piss you off and what 5 things will you miss if they were taken away?” (The email itself was part of some Christian “G-d loves you and you should too” kinda scam email forward that frequently finds it’s misguided way into my inbox along with pictures of kittens, starving African children and sunflowers).

What pisses me off currently – 8 pm Tuesday May 27?
Bangalore auto rickshaw drivers – I just wanna shove that double-meter up their arse most days, the fact that I haven’t eaten a single mango this season, the fact that I have no date this weekend (and will not have one for the next month according to the chart I made in one of my “I’m horny and need to use my hands to get busy” moods), falling in love with a pair of shoes and then being told that my shoe size is too big to stock anywhere (seriously? 6 million people in this city and no one has Size 11 feet?), realizing that 4 people I can see myself spend the rest of my life with are 1. In different cities 2. Involved with someone else and 3. Not seeing me as someone they can spend the rest of their lives with.

What I will miss if they were taken away – 8.05 pm Tuesday May 27?
National market and the DVDs that will be the pride of my home when I get myself a kick-ass home theater system, Coffee at India Coffee House and Tea at Infinitea (They have together gotten me through some very lonely weekends), Lee Slim Fit jeans – anything that helps me pretend like I have a butt deserves my thanks, Kitchens of India readymade Methi Chicken open and reheat packs which have been responsible for 8 out of my 9 pound weight gain and have been Oh! So delicious that I’ve almost forgotten what an orgasm felt like – and have happily settled for a meal of Methi Chicken and rice and finally…Max Café. I have yet to figure out how I will survive without my weekly meatball and potato salad meal. Anyone who can recommend similar food in Bombay is invited to take me there and watch me eat it. If you’re cute, we’ll call it a date even.