I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Kids today...I tell ya!

Vij and me have had long conversations about dating younger guys..as have Guppie and me. Conversations between Meenu and me (and assorted bystanders) on this topic can fill up a small book (tasteful, coffee-table sized..with flattering pictures of me discussing this over a coffee at Carters). Heck, besides Meenu , I have 3 other friends in relationships with younger men. OK, to qualify that statement..I have 3 other *female* friends in relationships with younger men (ranging in age from 2 years younger to an astonighing 7 years younger).

In the gay world, it's more of a fetish issue. Some men have fetishes for the older, greying, pot-bellied types while some have a fetish for the barely out of their teens, can't raise a stubble type. (Will receive lots of heat for next statement so read it, understand it and then bitch about it pliz!). Most of the gay men I've met don't want to date their age. The ones I know in their mid-to-late thirties onwards seem to hang out with them 19 year olds; and vice versa. Of course, people my age (late 20's) are too busy trying to pick a side (both age-wise and sexuality-wise) so we're fucked either way! Over the past few months, people I've met who're my age have either confessed to liking them much younger or much older. Not the same age....and I've always wondered why!

Personally, I'm very comfy around people my own age. I grew up in a different time in India. Sorta straddled the old socialist behemoth with the new consumer age. I know what it's like to have waited 8 years for a telephone connection and remember paying Rs. 5 per month as school fees. And I also remember *seeing* my first computer and drinking my first Coke in my late teens. My "gay life" had both periods of extreme guilt as examplified by the 80's and (err) gay abandon typified by the youth of today. It's hard to adjust to people who have no memories of growing up in the 1980's. It's equally hard for me to relate to people who were grown up when I was a little boy in chuddies. And by relate to, I mean in a relationship sense. Not as friends.

Meenu has held my hand as I wailed and bemoaned the lack of datable guys in their late 20's/early 30's. "They're too busy getting married and planning on cheating on their wives" she said. "They're too busy dating EVERYONE else but me!" I said. I believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I've been told to suck it up (hehehe) and go out with the 21 year old who finds me interesting. I've been told to pull up my socks (hahaha) and date the 43 year old who has the hots for me. I read this interesting (but incredibly badly written) article that talked about how the ancient Hindus believed that the ideal age-gap between partners is 3 years. Which means I should be open to dating 26-32 year olds. But where are they? The 26 year olds are shagging the 40+ crowd and the 32 year olds have taken to robbing cradles...

M. was 30, E. was 32 and I. was 25. And even though none of them was Indian, I still felt close enough in age to them to be comfy around them. The feeling is intensified in India. Here, there's more that I can/should have in common and it just doesn't happen anymore. "Age ain't nothing but a number" as a lot of people have told me. But it's hard! The huge age gaps work for most of the people I know. It just takes a good deal of work for it to work for me. I'll try...G-d knows I'll try! But it's going to exhaust me.

Current music:
Omaeni Horeta - Misora Hibari

My favourite Japanese singer (and one of my favourite Japanese songs). Her heyday was the mid 50's so I guess she's like a Japanese Patsy Cline...no wonder I like her!


  • At 3:10 AM, Anonymous kestrel said…

    H was 3 yrs older than me..P was 1 yr older than me..A is 15 yrs!!! older than me..A looks better than H and P..and is the best!!! Age doesnt matter........ as long as kink isnt involved.....hang on there , it can be anybody.

  • At 3:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What Crap ... Ill go for my age guys the F*** up is that I cant find anyone with brains.... and elder people I fall for dont care about me (I hope this reaches the right guy )

  • At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dunno about age.. In matters of the heart, it seems too insignificant a thing.

    Have always felt its about how much "effort" one needs to put in. I believe that when two people connect, there must remain no need for "effort".. It just feels right.. this is the way it had to be.

    Then i guess the "who" wouldn't matter.. the "why" also wouldn't matter.. and the age? that certainly wouldn't matter.

    How much effort does it require?

  • At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Uh uh..
    R was 8 years younger than me, A was 7 yrs younger than me, R2 was 8 years younger than me, S is 16 years younger than me.
    yeah.. it can be anybody!!!

  • At 4:40 AM, Blogger aristera says said…

    it all sounds like those dumb algebra equations ..." if A was 3yrs older than B and 2 years ago he became trice the age of C, what age guys do i dig?"...hahaha. i hate anonymous comments. they are so SIDEY (my limited vocab, you see). but i so would be happy with someone my age or a few years older. younger is a BIG no-no. they are dumber than me also!

  • At 5:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Completely agree with you on this one Vic.
    I believe one should go for someone your own age or someone a bit older.Today's young generation is absolutely non-chalant especially where emotions and relationships are concerned.
    Due to the single child syndrome, they are born with a silver spoon and cannot see anything beyond themselves.They see us as frustrated oldies but only if they were to look at the mirror themselves they would not want to see it again.

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    Well...terribly confusing, isnt it? With all due respect to our friends who're happily with younger men, i would still want to be with someone my age or older... I know what yr hang-up is all about. I have a serious problem relating to ppl who have no clue what Doordarshan in its heydays was! Who didnt watch those Films Division animation things... Not that its crucial for intelligent evolution and development...still, it was all that was there. And one learned to appreciate it...
    I'm rambling, ain't i?

  • At 12:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    listen, no matter what age, it doesn't help. men are idiots. immature idiots.


  • At 7:44 PM, Anonymous Syl said…

    I totally relate with you on this one! someone younger than me is out of the question....my ideal choice would be someone my own age or at most 3 yrs older than me ...the growing up with same set of experiences is something, but don't think that is the driving factor behind my choice though....what if the person comes from a totally different environment? ....somebody brought up in Karnataka as opposed to me in Mumbai might not have same set of experiences (eg, hindi programs on doordarshan) at all even though he's my own age!

    guess i tend to equate better with people my own age....i am on the same level with them as opposed to someone younger or very older....or it could simply be my conservative self sticking to age-old choices.. :)

  • At 3:05 PM, Blogger Id it is said…

    There has to be something concrete, tangible, that a relationship builds upon, and that something is a shared set of real time experiences. If in my youth I protested Vietnam and took pride in being a hippie, the chances are I'd enjoy being with someone who'd relate to those times. A Saturday Night 'swinger' or a 'material girl' Madonna would simply not work.

  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous José said…

    hmm...for what it is worth, every guy I have been involved with has been within 3 years of my own. The oldest was also by far the most emotionally retarded of all of them. Maybe the people dating with enormous gaps (age, please) are on to something...

  • At 9:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh how i wish that i have someone around my age to relate with; It makes things so much simpler: a shared vision, similar goals, aspirations and no hassle of being extra careful about behaving ur age/ being judged by it.
    How I pine for someone like that! why doesnt someone find me?
    lawst and lamenting h

  • At 10:28 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Kestrel: Age doesn't matter when you're 21....Age starts to matter when you start thinking about more serious longer term relationships...

    Anony1: You're looking for love in all the wrong places...You want brains? Hang out and meet people with brains. You won't find them trawling the chatrooms on a weekend night.

    Ro: It requires effort. Relationships are hard work. It's utopian to expect no effort at all from either partner. But trust me, it's a great feeling to know that your partner is working at being with you forever..

    H: Aha! So you're the younger-man-liker I talked about!

    Aristera: Younger than you? What, are we talking grade school now? You better stick around with guys older than you..at least they have licenses to drive!

    Diya: Perhaps I'm not so cynical about today's kids cause I have met a few level headed intelligent ones...but yes, growing up in a more prosperous time does make our values slightly different..which is an issue.

    Vij: You are rambling. Now go back and watch Tree of Unity and Ek/Anek Chidiya.

    Phal: Men aren't idiots. They're just beautiful specimens of nature that will break your heart when you least expect it.

    Syl: I hear you loud and clear. That's almost exactly what I thought when I penned this.

    Id it is: You protested Vietnam? Boy! You're old! LOL! (Pass me the spliff)

    Jose: The guys within 3 years of my own are too busy getting married and cheating on their wives. That's the disadvantage of being 29 in India. Unless you're willing to play second fiddle, it's hard to find someone your (27-30) age.

    Anony H: Shared visions and aspirations...EXACTLY! That's what I mean. I don't wanna be saddled with a 60 year old when I want to go out and party..neither do I wanna babaysit when I'd rather discuss cinema..

  • At 11:05 PM, Anonymous kestrel said…

    see...the 32s are searching for young kids..the young kids are looking for old sugar daddies...it leaves the twenty somethings to look for twenty somethings!! perfect! get going...

  • At 2:19 AM, Blogger bluegreenflysplat said…

    Now you go and act wise. No fair. Maybe you're right, but mostly, they're just immature. (Obviously, this one didn't break my heart, he just pissed me off)

  • At 6:20 AM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    I will! You can even sing it, so you're one up on me ;)

  • At 7:21 AM, Anonymous closetalk said…

    mmmm. i disagree. am constantly on de look out for someone my own age, but never seem to find the right guy interested in me. wud luv to date anyone from 24-35. younger than 24 is ok till only abt 22. younger than that gives me the headache, ive noticed, and is good only for a fly-by-night episode.

    actually, EVERYONE gives me a headache these days. sigh. :(

  • At 9:40 AM, Anonymous José said…

    vik, come back to Boston ;-)

  • At 6:17 PM, Blogger Id it is said…

    Unfortunately, I wasn't there to protest Vietnam, though I wish I'd been ...to see Woodstock, LIVE!
    That was merely used as an example to prove a point. Literal, aren't you?

  • At 1:34 AM, Blogger aristera says said…

    closetalk - is it pms?

  • At 2:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm with you dude. I like guys who are around my age (plus or minus 5 years). Instead its always these really young uns (I'm in my late 30's) who find me attractive. I've been resisting it so far but someday I may just bite into the forbidden fruit. I feel awfully guilty about the whole cradle snatching bit.....should I?

  • At 2:59 AM, Anonymous aparna said…

    d/d- it probably is??????ct welcome to our world
    never knew age was so imp issue in dating in the gayville.

  • At 6:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I must comment, as they say, it takes one to know one. Or something like that.

    I have been guilty of dating the underaged. It started with Toby A. who was 16 when I was 18. I used to drive him around in my Chevy. When I broke up with him, he did bad on his PSATs. Had to speak to his guidance counselor about me.

    Then I set my cut off date for not going out with anyone born after 1979. I broke it once for someone born in 1981 but that was a big mistake.

    The final episode of cradle robbing occured with my A. He is born in 1980. Sometimes I do feel older than him, sometimes I feel he is wiser than me. Sometimes we both act like idiots.

    The point really is, age ain't nuttin but a number (well said by Aliyah, but R. Kelley was in her ignition at that time). I really feel so. Especially after meeting many emotionally retarded men who are well into their 30's and 40's.

    I would say take it on a case by case basis. Do not judge or or pass blanket statements, or your love interest may not clear their exams.


  • At 11:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can't help adding my further two cents here..

    No one's expecting no effort.. Just doesn't feel like effort that's all.. Maybe its wat one calls "natural"..

    Really don't want to sound like some greeting card or self help book or Dr. Phil here, but i guess its got something to do with how lite the heart feels.. No pressure, no boundaries..

    Just new horizons.. Whatever the age.


  • At 6:11 AM, Blogger roswitha said…

    You're the only other person I know who'll think this is hilarious: Hilchos Xmas: If Christmas was a Jewish Holiday. It's mind-boggling. And funny.

  • At 1:01 AM, Blogger Ancient Clown said…

    Happy B-lated:
    This is concerning the kids today and Planting a Seed about A Calling to be 'WARRIORS'
    your humble servant,
    Ancient Clown


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