I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

You know you're a Bandra boy when..

I came up with these a few months ago (On 15/7/05 on the Orkut Bombay community to be precise LOL!)when I was chatting with a few friends on Orkut. Of course, seeing as not many of you blog readers are Bombayites to begin with and an even fewer percentage are Bandraites, please to be maafing me for this. ("Please to be maaf karofying me" also works)

20 signs that you're a Bandra boy...

1. You call every lady older than you "Aunty" and every man "Uncle".

2. Your closet contains atleast one suit and/or one red, tight, sequinned dress.

3. You exclaim "JesusMaryJoseph" when anything goes wrong.

4. You cross yourself as you pass Mahim Creek into Bandra.

5. You remember all the bungalows lining the streets before the builders discovered Bandra.

6. You used to go to SeaRock when it was the ONLY 5-star hotel in the burbs.

7. You live in Bandra West and have never been to the East.

8. It's Mahim Creek dammit! (Not Bandra creek)

9. You know Jeff's biryani is way better than oily Lucky stuff.

10. You've eaten pork at some point (knowingly..or unknowingly..)

11. Every other sentence you speak ends in "men" (NOT "man")

12. You say "Aks" instead of "Ask".

13. You went to either Stanislaus', Andrew's, Theresa's, Joseph's, Duruelo's, Anne's or Mt. Carmel's. AVM is for the Gujjus.

14. You had a girlfriend in the girl's school next door. (or vice versa)

15. You can hear church bells and namaz calls at 6 am from your house.

16. You can navigate through Old Bandra and Pali village without getting lost.

17. You remember what the area where Jogger's Park is now used to look like.

18. You have been to Bandra Gym.

19. You can jive.

20. You always complain about how "they" are moving into Bandra.


Current Music:
Episode 1 of the Ricky Gervais Show - Ricky Gervais and friends

Not really music, but a Podcast off the Guardian site. Ricky Gervais (from "The Office" and "Extras") is one of the funniest guys I've seen on TV. And this "interview/chat" is pretty funny as well! Up next? Russell Peters - the funniest Indian comedian around!

32 Comments:

  • At 10:53 PM, Blogger kate said…

    . Your closet contains atleast one suit and/or one red, tight, sequinned dress.

    so, if I'm not from Bandra and I still possess one of these, does that make me one of 'those' people wanting to move to bandra?

    Also,why did you not mention Bandra Fair?

     
  • At 10:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Also, if your name is Xavier, Elton, Lloyd, Savio or Roger Menendez and your girlfriend or wife's name is Al-Jazira (no joke), Quincentia, Eyonce, or Esther.

    Hee hee!
    Meenu

     
  • At 11:11 PM, Blogger kate said…

    Don't forget Esperanca (runs away to hide from Dildonix)

    and ROFL at Al -Jazira!

     
  • At 11:57 PM, Blogger Vijayeta said…

    Quite an education on Bandra and ppl from Bandra! Since i'm not even from Bombay, what can i say! But yes...i think i should come up with a similar list on ppl from Vasant Vihar in Delhi...and how its different from the rest of South Delhi!
    LOL!

     
  • At 12:48 AM, Blogger F-cubed said…

    "What you have in your bloddy cupboard men".

    I am guessing you have that tight red sequins frock.

    When Philomina Aunty sees that no she will be making you go to mass and say 200 Hail Marys.

    Also bugger why you dont have any girlfriends. You bloddy are always going out with that Francis fellow from Danda men. What you are pataoing him or what.

     
  • At 1:04 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Kate: If you were *from* Bandra, you would know who "they" are...LOL!

    Meenu: Don't forget Esmeralda, Conception, Perpetua and Immaculata

    Vij: I think you should..though I think all Saddi Dilliwallahs are Punju boors..enlighten me!

    FCubed: Francis? That black bleddy bugger men? Wot you got potatoes in your head wot? One solid kaanpat I'll give for saying that!

     
  • At 3:20 AM, Blogger karuna said…

    So the bandra boys own these tight dresses huh... well im damn sure they'd look better in one than me so you go boys!
    Also 'men' is it little generic, equally applicable to xavierites, for the first 3 months atleast.

     
  • At 5:25 AM, Anonymous Sud said…

    I wish I had the patience to make a list of " you know you are a bangalore boy when...".

    Off the cuff, you know are a bangalore boy when you wear floaters with white sports socks; when you are dying of thirst and think beer; when your friends are "da" and your enemies "bugggger"; when you call Sush baby "Sushmitha"!!

     
  • At 8:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    What men, you also say this?

    -Phal

     
  • At 11:11 PM, Blogger Archster said…

    smiles

    im lookin for an appartment in bandra. And im not one of 'those'.

    whoever 'they' are....'they' dont sound good.

     
  • At 1:06 AM, Blogger R Pereira said…

    1) Aunty, Uncle: I think it's common throughout India, not just Bandra. An elderly American friend rents space to a lady from North India. She once asked me, in hushed tones, why her tenant insisted on calling her Aunty.

    2) Crossing onesself at Mahim: It is done to acknowledge St. Michael's church, where favours are supposedly granted. It's famous for its novenas and wax body parts served as offerings. In my opinion, St. Michael's doesn't hold a candle to any of the Bandra churches. St. Andrew's is the original Portuguese church. The rest were destroyed during the Maratha raids and later rebuilt, including Mount Mary's Basilica (Bandra Fair)

    3) Mahim Creek: Bandraites are quite happy at that name. Ever noticed how many people peg their noses when the train passes the creek.

    4) Names: Some of the older Catholics had both a Portuguese name and an English one. eg. Joao(Ju-ah-oh-oo) & Joe, Eugenio(Yaw-zhain) & Eugene. Nowadays they have an English name plus an Indian one. My aunties' real names were Purification and Annunciation (no kidding). But we called them by quite different English names.

    5) Jogger's park: What a dull name! That's what happens when they don't have gay people on the committee.

     
  • At 2:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Doesnt Petit (Bai Avabai Petit Girls School.. or some such thing) qualify as Bandra enough?
    And names..Perpetua?Purification?? lol
    Are these english translations of vijaya /amrita which actually dont sound so ridiculous. Although Purification is as wild as naming someone Nahana in hindi.

    and does the pastime of ogling at carter road qualify too?
    h

     
  • At 3:19 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    KaunraJi: When you figure that all the "good" Bandra boys got to Xaviers while the rest got to Andrews.....

    Sud: Try doing this exercise.I'd contribute as well..seeing as I spent EVERY summer vacation in Bangalore.

    Phal - Wot to do men? I'm like this only..

    Archster - Move to Bandra..you'll know who the "they" are when your neighbors start making faces when "they" walk around..

    RPereira - (Atlast someone with an honest to goodness Bandra name!)
    The crossing at Mahim creek is NOT for St. Michaels..it's for Mount Mary just accross the creek from the tracks.

    h - Petit is a school for snobby Pali Hill girls...not many of us mortals can get in..Also don't forget, Bandra is all about the Cat schools..


    And finally, if all the gay men who ogle others at Carters or Coffee Day "actually do so", then how come I don't see anyone looking at me? Waah!

     
  • At 7:51 AM, Anonymous Jalaj said…

    God !

    Vikram this sounds so "non-mumbaikar" !Is Bandra some kind of Catholic Ghetto ? I noticed one very funny thing when in Bombay .The Parsees,westernised yuppies and the Catholics called Bandra , Bandra but the Marathi Manus in the locals call it Vandre . They also call Sion , Shiv .
    Explication sil vous plait ?

    All Delhites are Punjabi boors ? Common , thats ridiculous . I am a south indian and have lived all my life here . Every Delhite isnt a punjabi , and for that matter neither are all Punjabis boors .

    But , I agree with this habit of calling anybody who "seems" elder , Uncle and Aunty . I have seen this in Delhi as well.

    Jalaj Vaivaswat

     
  • At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I might just like you yet.

    -Phal

     
  • At 10:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    well delhi ppl are quite watever
    and i am from delhi happily settled in bandra

    but all those ppl critiquing this have to live in bandra

    prefrebaly in one of the villages

    cheerz

     
  • At 10:32 PM, Blogger R Pereira said…

    Vikster, you may be right. But I remember cross-signing on the bus at St. Michaels.

    Jalaj, like any other city, Mumbai has neighbourhoods with unique flavours. Bandra tends to be Catholic. It's far from a ghetto though. Flats can be in the region of 1 crore.

     
  • At 11:04 AM, Blogger aristera says said…

    bakwas.
    i wonder why petite and AVM are considered better schools. MUHAHAHAH, and everyone calls everyone older uncle and aunty. ok vik uncle? and the red dress? um... and vasant vihar and parts of delhi are sooo beautiful!

     
  • At 4:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Why can't anyone keep *normal* comments on this blog? everyones trying to be either funny, witty, informative, knowledgeable, flirty, suggestive...!!

    Vik, you don't NEED men staring at you at CCD, read the comments pages regularly!!

     
  • At 8:44 PM, Blogger PChaacha said…

    - Stanislaus/Joseph/Andrews kids slacking off at the Ganna Ka Juicewala who's been there for few million years now.

    - Living with Aunties and Uncles as neighbors who'd get pissed off every afternoon cuz' of the sound of our cricket plastic balls.

    - "Shopping" at Not-So-Cheap-Cheapjack

    Fond memories of life in Pali Village.

    Wrispeck.

     
  • At 10:36 AM, Blogger Selma Mirza said…

    You have a nice blog here, you really do....

     
  • At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I want to add one more --

    Your favorite food is associated with the place you eat -- camp's masala pav, shiv sagar's pav bhaji, karachi's pani puri, elko's bhel, Hersh bakery's burger -- you get it im sure :)

     
  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger savio said…

    You should add "am a east-indian or know who east-indians are." You'd be suprised how many people in Bandra don't know who east-indians are. My wife a Goan who lived in Bandra had no idea.

    Oh yeah and I fully qualify as a bandra boy being named "savio" even though I grew up in california.

     
  • At 10:31 AM, Anonymous sajid said…

    You know you are from Bandra......... if you call Band Stand "Lands End" and you actually remember the Band playing there on Sunday evenings.

     
  • At 10:10 AM, Blogger clemde@gmail.com said…

    bandrabuggers.blogspot.com
    From one bandra bugger blogger type to another.
    Good stuff vikster.

     
  • At 12:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Bandra is the place where i found mount marry church a very peacefull place.
    U feel very much pure , the atmosphere the trees n the candles evrthing is very beautifull

     
  • At 3:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Care to look at and comment on our local community exchange, classifieds website
    covering bandra

    http://beta.we-exchange.com/we_exchange/mumbai/bandra/

     
  • At 10:53 PM, Anonymous bombaygirl said…

    Hey! Carmel Convent, not Mt. Carmel! Also, what about Bandstand, and the chicken club sandwiches from McRonnells bakery. Or am I dating myself. Getting my uniform stitched by a tailor on Hill Road, shopping for archie comics at the little newstand on Linking Road...I could go on. But wont. ;)

     
  • At 5:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Amazing !!! so much about Bandra .. Now to add some spice to this blog .. Don't know what the hype is about Bandra .. Orlem is way too good for you guys ..

     
  • At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    r bugger (u no bandra bugger) tole da bugger ..he ghaati from orlem men an da bugger lagaved ghaatti.....i no i no..hes like all holy and all like...hes de same bugger men ..i no... kaant reconise him aanh..dat becos he become lil jaadya...a lil moh chiknyah too.. rite?

    u pataoing any gaabas dese days? go bayfikar men..happy new year!!

    bandrabugger

     
  • At 8:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You know you're a real Bandra boy when you know the difference between curry, sorpatel and shacuti!

    When youve taken that Anglo chick onto the rocks at Band Stand and kissed and pawed the he'll out of her.

    Cyrus

     
  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger Lesley D'souza said…

    Can someone please tell me where to download or find Javed Jaffrey vidoes on our Bandra Boys where he could do the best in the universe

     

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